


Vibrant

by Harlow92



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Castiel, Character Death, Color Blindness, Domestic, Domestic Dean, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Human Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Character Death, One True Pairing, Porn With Plot, Relationship(s), Sad with a Happy Ending, Sam Ships It, Single Parents, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Smut, Teacher Castiel, Top Dean, True Love, True Mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-03-01 19:50:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 29,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13301994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harlow92/pseuds/Harlow92
Summary: Until you lay eyes on your true match, your world remains grayscale. Jo Harvelle saw Dean Winchester and he brought all colors to life for her, there was only one problem: nothing changed for him.Even though he couldn’t explain why he was still color blind, Dean still fell for Jo. With all intentions to spend the rest of his life with her no matter what, or who, came along, the couple got married and had a child.When fate takes his wife prematurely, Dean learns to live a life without her and has no intentions of being with someone else. Life has other plans.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story does involve being color blind as a major aspect.

Prologue  
Dean watched as the love of his life laughed with her whole body, her head was thrown back, tendrils of hair escaping what was a tidy bun earlier in the day. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.  
Currently Bobby was twirling her around on the floor, her dress flaring around her. He must have said something real funny because Jo couldn’t stop laughing and Dean found himself smiling like a giant idiot. That woman was his, for the rest of his life he would come home to her and take care of her, they would have a family, a beautiful home, and maybe even a dog. Who knew? The possibilities were endless with the joyous union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.  
Dean was still smiling wide when he noticed his bride approach him with a shy smile on her face. He softened his grin as he wrapped his arms around her and dipped his nose to her neck, smelling the perfume she had sprayed on earlier. She yelped when she felt a soft bite in that same spot.  
“Dean Winchester. Knock it off.” Jo scolded as she smiled a devilish grin at her new husband. She couldn’t help but feel awe when she looked into his beautiful eyes. She’d never seen something like them before and she was sure nothing would ever compare.  
“I’m sorry Jo, I can’t help it. You look so beautiful, and it’s our wedding night, I wanna take you home.” Dean growled the last part in her ear to which she responded with laughter. It was music to his ears.  
“Dean we’ve literally been here for thirty minutes.” Jo rolled her eyes at him as she looked around the reception hall.  
“Yeah Jo, that’s thirty minutes too freaking long.” He glared at her pointedly. She leaned in and kissed him gently on his pouty lips.  
“I’m sure you’ll be fine, Mr I Hate Everyone.” Jo air quoted his new nick name and squealed with delight as he wrapped his arm around her waist and spun her into him.  
“Real mature Jo, real mature.” Dean winked as he lead her around the floor, the couple in their own little world as they laughed at each other.  
Ellen walked up to Bobby and laid her hand on his shoulder as she sighed. Smiling wistfully at her daughter and new son as they glided effortlessly on the floor. She remembered that feeling, after the newness of the relationship wore off there was a sense of calm.  
It was always hard to get the true sense of how you felt about your “true partner” in the first few months, everything was so vibrant that it was a distraction. The world was suddenly a colorful place when you laid eyes on the one. It was easy to fall in love with them when they were the ones who lifted the lack of color off of your life.  
Ellen still remembered the first time she saw Jo’s father. She was walking down the street minding her own business when she saw him and suddenly the sky wasn’t gray anymore, it was vibrant blue, her favorite color. She was giddy with what could only be described as genuine euphoria. The world in black and white was amazing, but in color it was beautiful.  
She loved him, but he didn’t make it easy. Ellen supposed that’s why the package was sweetened with seeing colors. Call her a cynic but, Ellen was nothing if not truthful. She hoped to all that was good that Dean wouldn’t make it hard for Jo to love him. She prayed that he could give to Jo more than the gift of color.  
Little did she know that of the two, only one of them could see the dark black of the tuxedo or stark white of the dress. Only one could look into the eyes of the other and smile at the true color. When Jo first saw Dean, all of the colors came rushing to her. She was so overwhelmed she passed out. When she woke up Dean was leaned over her, a concerned look on his face.  
“Miss, are you ok?” He asked, his voice being drown out by the noise in her head.  
“Do you see them?” Jo asked in wonder as she smiled up at her mate.  
“Do I see what? I’m not sure I follow.” After explanations Jo had left dejected, knowing that she was broke. She wasn’t her true mate’s true mate, how could that even be possible?  
Dean loved her anyways, he followed her around for what seemed like months before she finally believed that he was going to do right by her. He didn’t give a shit if later he spotted someone who gave him colors, he would still love Jo. He would still be Jo’s.  
No one in the room knew that Dean was still color blind. No one except for the newlyweds themselves.


	2. Paint it Black

Chapter One

Dean put the Impala into park before climbing out grudgingly and making his way towards the grocery store. He knew somewhere behind him his 13 year old daughter would be trailing along with that “me against the world” look that 13 year olds tend to have. He smiled at the patented snarl Claire wore more often than not, he taught her well.  
It was Saturday, a day that Claire had informed him was for teens to go do “cool stuff” with their friends. Well, Dean thought grocery shopping was pretty cool and he was even better than a friend cause he was her dad, at least that’s what he told her. The conversation had been as heated as things normally got between the two. Claire had screamed about how Dean was too protective and stomped off to her room. For his part, Dean spoke calmly as he explained why he didn’t want her out Saturday nights. The truth of why he never actually let his daughter out of sight if she wasn’t in school went unspoken between the two.  
It had been seven years, would be eight in a couple of months, since he had seen Jo’s beautiful smile or felt the warmth of her touch. Seven years since that son of a bitch got behind the wheel of his beat up mini van after drinking five too many. Seven years since Dean lost the love of his life. He remembered it like it was yesterday, the cops coming to his door to let him know there had been accident, that Jo was in intensive care, and that he’d better hurry to her side because it was pretty bad. Pretty bad his ass, she died only hours later with Dean holding her hand tightly. It was earth shattering.  
“Take care of our baby.” She said, barely audibly, as she smiled at him and squeezed his hand as tight as she could.  
“I can’t do it without you Jo.” His voice broke as he tried to hold back tears unsuccessfully.  
“I know you can.” Was all he got in answer, there was no question in her voice.   
For the longest time he didn’t think he could, but they found a rhythm. Dean figured out how to raise his little girl without Jo. It wasn’t ideal, hell most nights he still prayed that she would come back to them, but it was the best they could manage. Ellen helped a lot, she offered the mother like presence in Claire’s life that the girl needed, but for the most part Dean did everything on his own. Including shopping for pads, which is what the two were doing as he wheeled the cart down the feminine products aisle, Claire walking behind him.  
“This was the kind I got last time,” Dean stopped in front of a box with the word sport on it in bold letters. “Do you want them again?” He asked looking back at his daughter who was looking at him awkwardly.  
“They were fine Dad, but I was kinda wondering if maybe-,” she trailed off as she picked at an imaginary thread on her sweater. “Well I just wanted to....” He squinted as she mumbled the last part inaudibly. Her face was scrunched in embarrassment as she looked up into the face of her confused dad.  
“Hey Claire, honey, gotta use your words. What did you want?” He asked still confused. Her face fell as she realized she would have to ask agin.  
“Well, you see Dad, all the other girls at school use them, and really when you think about it pads are super unsanitary. I mean I just sit all day in them, and they feel like a diaper -“ Dean waived her off as he raised his eyebrow and stared at her.  
“I’m going to cut you off there, I don’t care what the other girls are doing but I’m willing to hear you out. What do you want?” Claire sighed and walked up to a different box on the shelves and poked it.  
“These, I want to use these.” Curious about what had her so worked he walked over and stared the box.   
“I should have seen this day coming.” Dean groaned as he stared at a box of tampons. Claire bit at her nails mercilessly, a habit she had picked up after her mom had passed.  
“You don’t have to make it awkward!” She whispered angrily as a woman walked by looking at the same products.  
“Pads are just so easy Claire. You just whip those bad boys on and you’re good to go. Plus they’re not invasive.” Dean shuddered as the woman chuckled at them.   
“You have no clue Dad, they’re horrible!” Claire crossed her arms and tried to fight off the tears of embarrassment. She loved her dad but sometimes he was so hard headed. Claire had to admit it was dumb of her to think that he would agree so easily, but she wished he wasn’t making it this hard.   
“Sir, if I may,” the woman stepped forward and smiled kindly at Dean and Claire. “They’re really not invasive and much more comfortable.” She shrugged as she grabbed a box of her own and walked away. Dean groaned as Claire smiled at him with what could only be described as a gloating grin.   
“Alright Claire, but if you get these you have to call Grandma or Jess about how to use them. I’m not calling them for you.” Claire jumped up and down and gave Dean a hug.  
“Thank you, thank you, thank you. I promise you won’t regret this!” Dean didn’t have the heart to tell her that her usual groveling didn’t work with this situation. He just smiled and hugged her back before grabbing a box and throwing them in the cart.  
“Who the hell just joins a debate about tampons between a daughter and father by the way?” Dean wondered aloud as they moved from the current aisle towards the groceries.  
“A friggin angel, that’s who.” Claire smiled as her dad laughed freely at her.


	3. Pale Blue Eyes

Pale Blue Eyes

“Alright what’s the game plan?” Claire asked as she walked around the kitchen gathering items to put in the lunch box on the counter.  
“I’m going to see if the old man will let me duck out a bit early so I can change for the conferences. Jess said she could come pick you up after school. She and Sam will probably take you to some high class restaurant so remember to pack something nice to wear and don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu.” Dean lectured into the phone as he sat going through the paperwork piled on his desk.  
“Will you come get me tomorrow?” Claire asked as she thought of spending the night at her uncle’s. It’s not that she didn’t like it, because she loved it, but it was always weird when her dad let her out of his sight. It didn’t happen often so she wasn’t used to it.  
“Well that’s another thing, Sam says they’re decorating the nursery tomorrow so if you want to help you can stay,” Dean held the   
phone away from his ear as his daughter let out a joyous shriek. “I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll let him know.” He smiled as he scribbled out some figures for a car that needed a new turpentine belt.   
“Hey Dad,” Claire said suddenly with a hint of worry. “What are you going to do?” Dean smiled sadly out the window. He couldn’t help but feel ashamed over his daughter’s reaction to him being alone. It’s not that he didn’t have stuff to do, he’d just rather do those things with Claire around. He had been very adamant that they spend time with each other every chance they got, because of this he knew people worried that he would fall into a deep depression if Claire stayed somewhere else overnight. Little did they know that he felt that hurt even when she was around.   
“Don’t you worry about me Claire, got lots of stuff to do,” He murmured as he waved at Bobby, who had just gotten in. “Alright Clarice, be good, call me if you need anything, and remember not-“  
“The most expensive thing on the menu, yeah Dad I got it. Love you!”   
“You too, kiddo.” He murmured before placing the phone back on the hook and looking up at his uncle/step father in law/boss, things were a little complicated in his neck of the woods.  
“That my grandbaby?” Bobby grumbled as he wheeled up to the coffee pot.  
“Yeah, she’s got big plans to help Sammy with the nursery this weekend.” Dean answered as he typed out a message to his brother letting him know that Claire could stay two nights.   
“When’s that gal of his going to pop anyways? Feel like she’s been pregnant for years.”  
“Well Bobby, it’s only been five months so you and Ellen will have to wait a little bit longer for a new baby to spoil.” Dean laughed at the impatient man.   
“I ain’t goin to spoil the thing, I just want to make sure it’s not ugly like it’s dad and uncle you idjit.” Bobby grumbled as he parked himself across the desk from Dean.   
“Yeah, judging by the way you melt whenever Claire pulls the puppy dog eyes, I’d say this baby will spoiled.” Dean balled up a piece of scrap paper and threw it at the man across from him, who batted it down.  
“Yeah, you better thank whatever is out there she looks like Jo and not you.” Dean smiled as he thought of the similarities between the two. They didn’t look exactly alike, their smiles were the same and Claire had the same button nose, but everyone always marveled at how similar their complexions were. Dean remembered holding Claire the first night they came home as a family, Jo snuggled up next to him with her head resting on his shoulder as they both smiled down at the little girl.   
“What does she look like Jo?” Dean whispered, he knew he wouldn’t have to explain what he meant. Jo had long since gotten used to explaining what colors were to him and the pain of not being able to give them to him.  
“She’s light, so pale I can see her little veins running through her legs and arms. The bottoms of her feet are red though, they look like heat feels, so are her palms.” Jo kissed her husband gently as tears slipped quietly out of his eyes.  
“Her eyes are blue, like mine.” At that Dean turned and smiled at Jo.  
“They look like how the ocean feels?” Dean mumbled.   
“Yeah Baby, they look like how the ocean feels,” she whispered back before continuing. “Her hair is so bright, so white you almost can’t see it.” Jo laughed as she rubbed her fingers through her daughter’s hair lovingly. Dean watched the moment with amazement on his face.  
“She looks like you,” He said with a note of pride. Jo just smiled and nodded, knowing that Dean wouldn’t care that their baby looked more like her than him. “The most beautiful things I have ever laid my eyes on.” He whispered as he stared at Claire with wonder.  
Dean smiled as he remembered the tender moment, swiping at his eyes to make sure he hadn’t started crying. Bobby looked away kindly before clearing his throat.  
“Sorry boy, didn’t think.” He said before looking back at Dean and seeing the smile on his face.  
“I’m proud that Claire looks like Jo. Nothing to be sorry about.” He said before standing and walking into the shop, Bobby hot on his heels. Dean walked over to the car he was currently working on and opened the hood before grabbing his tools and gloves.  
“I need to head out early today, parent teacher conferences.” Dean said as he bent under the hood.  
“Well let’s just hope she acts like her mom too or you’re going to be talking to some pissed off teachers.” Bobby laughed as he was hit with a grease rag thrown from somewhere inside the hood.  
.....

Dean sat outside the classroom, a folder full of notes in one hand and a list of classes in the other. He had been to see almost all of the teachers and they had mostly good things to say about Claire. The only complaint they had was her abundance of sass, which didn’t surprise him at all. She may look like Jo but she was definitely a Winchester.   
Dean took his phone out of his pocket and began fiddling with it. He had a message from Jess saying that she had successfully retrieved the “precious cargo” and that she was going to treat Claire to a pedicure, mainly because her own feet were swollen and having Claire was as good an excuse as any. Dean smiled as he typed out a simple thanks and pocketed his phone as the parents who were before him stepped out of the classroom.   
Dean stood and smiled at the couple as he straightened out his jeans and shirt. He left the garage early so he could change before meeting with Claire’s teachers, he may love his job as a grease monkey but he didn’t have to look like one. At least that’s what Jo used to tell him. He pulled out the report one C. Novak wrote for Claire and walked into the classroom.  
.....  
Cas rummaged through his files as he tried to find the granola bar he haphazardly threw in the cabinet that morning. He underestimated how long the conferences would take. He cursed himself inwardly over not using his prep hour to get some food.   
Once he found the granola bar he quickly opened it and began eating it. He had one more person to see and, according to the other teachers, Mr. Winchester liked going through every aspect of how his daughter was doing in the class.  
Though the teacher hadn’t been in Sioux Falls for long, the story of Dean Winchester had been told to him many times. The man had lost his wife years ago leaving behind not only her husband, but their little girl. The way people told it, the couple were happily married leading a quiet life the night Jo’s life had been taken prematurely. Cas wasn’t sure why the other teachers felt the need to fill him in on this, but he guessed it was a good sign that they trusted him with sacred town gossip.   
Cas had lived in Sioux Falls for approximately six months. He rented a small apartment on the edge of town that only had one bedroom while the kitchen, dining room, and living room consisted of one big space. The bathroom had barely enough space to fit the shower and toilet that were in the small room, so the sink in the kitchen was the only place to wash his hands. He didn’t mind it, though it was very cramped, it was the best he could do and it was his home.  
He heard the door open and quickly discarded the evidence of his granola bar before wiping any crumbs off his face. He was, after all, a professional and didn’t want to present himself as a slob.  
“Novak right? I’m Dean Winchester.” As Mr. Winchester said this Cas turned around to the outstretched hand and looked into the man’s eyes.   
Cas let out a small sound of distress as his world filled with color.


	4. Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning*  
> Depiction of a panic attack.

Black

Dean felt the papers slip out of his hands as he looked into the eyes of the teacher who sat before him. Suddenly, overwhelmingly, he was surrounded by what must be the colors. He began moving in quick circles, trying to take everything in. He was caught between taking in the beauty of it all and panicking over how bright everything suddenly was.  
Jo had always told him it was a bittersweet experience, amazing and nauseating at the same time, but he always had to take her word for it. Now, as he stood in this room surrounded by colors he couldn’t name, he understood what she meant. He began hyperventilating as his knees hit the ground painfully.  
It was a panic attack, he knew that much. He used to have them all the time right after Jo passed but it had been at least a few years since he’d experienced one. His heart was beating in overdrive as he began hearing a high pitch ringing in his ears. He closed his eyes and bent his body so he was on his hands and knees with his head resting on the cool linoleum. Somewhere in the back of his mind he heard a door shut, but he didn’t have the wherewithal to care. He had to concentrate so he could get his breathing under control so he could go home. Home. Where no one was.  
“Oh God no.” He whimpered as he felt the tears of panic sliding down his eyes. Dean could feel the pain settle deep in his bones and seize his heart, causing the excruciating pain he used to feel on an everyday basis.  
....

Cas looked around the room with awe, it was amazing. He wanted to see everything all at once. His classroom that was once boring and mundane suddenly took on a whole new life. It was filled with what he knew were reds, greens, browns, and so many other colors but he wasn’t sure which color was which.   
He stood abruptly and looked at what he was wearing. He looked horrible. The frown of displeasure was involuntary as he wished he had paid a color seeing person to match his clothes like many others do when they haven’t yet met their match. Match.   
Cas turned quickly towards the man who had given him his colors only to see him crumpled on the floor. He couldn’t say he knew much about Dean Winchester, but from the stories he was told, the man took great pride in always coming off as composed. Cas hurried towards the door and slammed it closed, taking note that he didn’t much like the color of it as he went. He turned towards the man on the floor and remembered learning about how to handle these types of events in a classroom setting.   
Cas knelt down beside him and began rubbing his back in circular motions, hoping that somehow, the touch would help alleviate a portion of the panic.  
“I know this is all very overwhelming, Mr. Winchester, but I need you to focus. I need you to take deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth,” Cas was silent momentarily as the man continued breathing heavily at first before he heard him make an audible effort at trying to calm his breath. “Good job, good job. Now just concentrate on my voice. It’s ok, I know it’s hard, but it’s ok. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” Cas murmured to him, trying to be as reassuring as possible. He wondered idly if Dean took any comfort in those words coming from someone he had just met. If he was anything like Cas had heard he more than likely didn’t, but still he found himself trying to offer the little bit of solace.  
Cas sat on the floor, for what felt like hours, talking nonsense. He was just about to run out of things to say when he thought he heard Dean respond. The motions of his hands on the other man’s back stilled as he felt him begin to move. First, Dean unbent his upper half so he was no longer on his hands and then he stiffly moved so he was sitting on his butt, his legs stretched out in front of him.   
“Uh, sorry.. about that.” Cas watched as the man scratched his head before sighing and burying his face in his hands.   
“There’s nothing to apologize for Mr. Winchester.” He knew his response was a little stiff and formal, but he had no clue what to say. What do you do when your true match gives you your colors and then collapses on the ground in a panic attack? There was no protocol for this.  
“Just call me Dean, please.” Dean looked over at Cas and his breath was caught in his throat. Cas studied his face, the colors that were prominent, and the dark smattering of what he knew to be freckles created the most breath taking person he had ever seen.   
Cas knew that Dean’s was the first face he saw in color, but he also knew it would never be beat. He caught himself reaching out to touch his face and quickly snatched his hand back. He knew that that wouldn’t be considered acceptable conduct.  
“You’re eyes, they uh.” Dean began saying before abruptly standing up and walking out of the room as quickly as possible. Cas found himself staring after the man dumbfounded from the floor as he wondered what he could have been about to say.  
....

Dean refused to run, he was a grown man who didn’t run from his problems, but he’d be damned if he didn’t fast walk his way out of that school. As soon as he opened the doors he was blinded by the brightness of the sun and found himself stopping short as he tried to gather his wits.   
He had no clue how to handle what had just happened in that classroom. Dean felt more overwhelmed than when Claire had told him she was old enough to date. He felt his head start to pound as the sheer brightness of everything made him nauseous.   
Somehow he began walking, remembering to put one foot in front of the other. He had to concentrate on not falling as he made his way to the Impala. A voice in the back of his head told himself that he probably shouldn’t be driving, but the other more prominent voice told him to just get home.  
When Dean got to the parking lot he climbed into his car and closed his eyes while he rested his forehead on the steering wheel. He didn’t let himself sit for long, he knew that if he had a chance of making it home before his pain became debilitating again he would need to do it then. So, without a second thought, he turned his car on and threw it into drive.  
He navigated the streets with a fierce recklessness that pointed towards how desperate he seemed. He just wanted to get home and turn off all the lights.   
The drive was agonizing. Between the side effects of his panic attack and the disorientation from seeing colors, Dean found himself working twice as hard to pay attention to the road. At one point he almost ran the light, causing a near collision with a Mustang that earned him the universal sign of hatred as the driver sped off. At least he could say he finally knew what red, green, and yellow looked like.   
When he finally stumbled out of his car and made it to the front door of his home, he found himself fumbling through his keys trying to pin point the one for the house. Once inside he made of point of not looking at anything but the floor. Jo had told him that the color of the carpet was brown when they had replaced it, he found the color not as overwhelming as the others he had seen so far. He made it to his room, noting that the curtains were heavy enough to keep most of the sun out, and scrambled through his night stand where he found a bottle of Johnny Walker.  
Dean hadn’t felt the need to drink in a long time, but he kept it there just in case. Some nights he would wake up in a cold sweat, the memory of Jo laying in the hospital bed with her hair plastered to her forehead as life seeped out of her haunting his dreams. On those such nights, he found himself unable to gather his wits and often leaning on the aid of the only thing that ever made him numb.   
As he took a swig from the bottle an image of Bobby wheeling into his room at noon to wake him up because “his dumb ass has a kid to care for” made bile rise at the familiar taste.  
“Fuck.” He muttered as he collapsed back and threw his arm over his eyes. He lay there for a few moments before curiosity got the better of him and he made his way to the dresser which had pictures proudly displayed on it. He knew the two in particular he was looking for, one of Claire rolling her eyes as he stood with his arm thrown around her shoulders, head tilted back and laughing freely as he and Sam threatened to pummel any boy, or girl for that matter, who tried to ask for a date. Ellen had put together a barbecue and teasing Claire had been the main form of entertainment. It had been just a few months ago, Jess had snapped the picture quickly before jumping to Claire’s defense.   
Dean stared at his daughter, noticing that she had a slight grin on her face even though she was obviously annoyed. He smiled as she took life in the picture, all the colors jumping out at him. He always knew she had blonde hair, blue eyes, and a pale complexion, but seeing it was so much better than being told. She was as beautiful as he always knew she was. Suddenly Dean frowned as he thought of how many boys in her class must see how beautiful she was.  
“Well shit.” He grumbled as he thought of how having the “talk” was probably going to be their next awkward milestone. He shivered as he put the frame back and grabbed the next one he was aiming for.  
It had been taken a couple months before the accident that changed his life. Jo sat on the beach with a young Claire in her lap. While their daughter was busily reaching for something out of picture, his wife was smiling easily at him as he took the picture. He remembered it like it was yesterday, their annual family vacation.   
Normally they would just go somewhere nearby for the weekend or a little bit longer, but that year Dean had surprised Jo. It was their 10th anniversary and he had worked all year long at saving money, he worked extra hours at the garage and picked up odd jobs on the weekends. He remembered Jo arguing with him about why he was at work all the time when they needed him home more than they needed the money. Dean had asked to just trust what he was doing.   
He remembered when he came home from the shop and surprised Jo with plane tickets to South Carolina and pictures of the beach house he had rented for a week. She smiled at him and hugged him so tight he almost couldn’t breathe. That last day on the beach with his girls, he thought to himself this was the life he had always wanted, had always dreamt of.   
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me Dean Winchester.” Jo had whispered to him that night as they made love wrapped in each other’s arms. When they got home the next day Dean walked around mournfully as he thought of going back to work.  
“I guess it’s back to the real world.” He murmured as Jo wrapped her arms around his stomach from behind and stood on her tip toes to kiss the back of his next.  
“It’s the best one.” She walked around and looked him in the eyes. Her fingers carded gently through his hair as she planted a light kiss on his lips before she grabbed his hand and lead him outside to where Claire was riding her bike around the back patio. He knew in that moment that Jo was right.   
Little did they know that just a few short months later that world would be taken from them.  
Dean sank to the floor as he stared at Jo’s face. She was even more beautiful than he realized. Her skin so light and hair blowing easily in the breeze. He wished he could tell her now just how beautiful he thought she was. A drop fell on the glass of the picture as Dean stared at her through flooded eyes. It was going to be a long night.


	5. Purple Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any likes, comments, or suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thank you to those of you who have supported this so far!

Purple Rain 

“Cassy!” Gabe exclaimed as he quickly stood and held his arms wide to his little brother.  
“Gabe.” Cas murmured as he grudgingly went to give him a hug. He couldn’t count how many times he asked Gabe to quit calling him that horrible nick name and obviously it didn’t matter because he continued to use it. 

“Boy am I glad to see your sour face. Come on, sit down, I ditched the kids and brought the wife.” Gabe said animatedly as he pointed towards his better half. 

How he landed the woman he had was still beyond Cas’s realm of understanding. Kali was beautiful and smart with a no nonsense personality, she had her PhD in Archaeology and taught at the local university when she wasn’t too busy with their two children or executing digs in different hemispheres. Why she chose to marry Gabe was just truly astonishing. 

“Hey Cas.” Kali smiled warmly at him as he slid into the booth across from them. He looked up at her and tried to look as nonchalant as possible at seeing his sister in law and brother for the first time in color. 

He’d had two hours to prepare himself. Those two hours were filled with thoughts of cancelling the dinner, but in the end he knew that would end badly. Cas found it best to get their weekly “pow wows,” as Gabe liked to call them, out of the way. 

It had started when Cas moved to Sioux Falls, on the other side of a terrible break up and with no where else to go, he had taken his brother’s advice and moved in with Gabe and Kali for the summer. It was only supposed to be two months, just enough time for him to get on his feet again before going back to start the school year. Instead he found himself growing oddly attached to the little town fifteen minutes away from his brother’s home. He learned about the position for a high school English teacher and applied for the position as quickly as possible.

He got to see his niece and nephew quite often and found that his students were genuinely good children. He loved it. 

Even though he was quite happy, Gabe still insisted that they meet at least once a week to discuss how things were going. To say that his break up was hard would be putting it mildly. Liam drug Cas through the coals and burnt him raw, leaving him sour to the idea of dating, much to Gabe’s chagrin. 

Cas knew his brother meant well, but he also hoped that at some point Gabe would realize that he was truly ok. Sure he didn’t want to date right now, but that wasn’t the end of the world. He had a home, a job, and he was slowly making friends in the area. Cas felt like he deserved some credit for what he had accomplished so far. Unfortunately Gabe didn’t share the same feelings.

They sat in a five star restaurant that Gabe had insisted they go to. Cas felt out of place in his jeans and sweater, but he didn’t have much time to get ready after getting over the initial shock of meeting Dean. He sat in his classroom for a long time combing the internet to put names to colors. He quickly found that brown was the unappealing color of his classroom door and that his favorite color, so far, had been green. He refused to think about how Dean’s eyes were not only green, but the most beautiful shade he could find thus far. 

“What’s new little brother?” Gabe asked with the grin that was seemingly always present.

“Oh, well, I just got done with conferences.” Cas shrugged, not sure if it was customary to share that you had met your match. 

“Any pissed of parents?” Kali rolled her eyes in Gabe’s direction as he took a drink out of a cup with a tiny umbrella in it. Cas had always thought his brother’s love of sweets was rather comical. While every other man in a bar would order a beer or whiskey, Gabe got a cosmo or Long Island Iced Tea.

“No,” Cas said uncertainly before taking a deep breath. “I met Dean Winchester.” He shrugged, knowing that the couple would know the name. 

“Poor guy. His wife’s mom owns The Roadhouse, Jo used to work there.” Gabe shook his head and took a long pull from his drink.

“Is the girl in your class?” Kali asked. 

“Yeah, but... Well, uh, Dean’s my match.” Cas continued looking down at his hands, which were gripped so tight they were turning white.  
He listened as Gabe began laughing almost hysterically.

“Oh my god. This is great,” Cas chanced a look up at his brother and found him grinning from ear to ear. “This is fantastic, truly. I can’t believe you didn’t say anything!” 

“Well Gabe, he had a panic attack and ran out. Not to mention that he’s the widowed father of one of my students.” Cas murmured as he watched a tall man approach their table with a very pregnant woman strolling beside him. Just a couple steps behind them was none other than Claire Winchester.

Cas startled when he felt a hand gently squeeze his. He looked up and found Kali smiling at him with a gentleness that only mother’s seemed capable of achieving.

“It’ll be ok, Cas.” She squeezed his hand once more before letting go. By the time she had retracted her hand Claire was standing by him bouncing on the balls of her feet.

.....

“Hey Sam, this is my teacher, the one I was telling you about that needs a lawyer to get his dog back. You could do it for him right?” Sam couldn’t help the awkward smile he offered his niece, wondering if there would ever come a time when Claire would think he couldn’t accomplish something.

“Well let’s start with names first.” Jess diplomatically stepped in. He found he relied more and more on his wife in social settings.

“Oh yeah, Mr. Novak, this is my uncle, Sam, and my aunt, Jess. Jess, Sam, this is Mr. Novak.” Claire said animatedly. Sam loved his niece, she had a rough attitude but in all actuality she was still an excitable teenager. He found himself mostly unable to resist her charm.

“Hello.” Cas nodded towards them and looked down at his hands awkwardly, Claire was one of his brightest students and he often enjoyed her odd sense of humor. Unfortunately, he often found himself ill prepared for running into his students outside of the high school halls. He always found those exchanges a little strained.

“Claire loves your class, we hear about it all the time.” Jess smiled warmly at her young niece. She and Sam had been dating each other for a little under a year when Jo passed. Jess often found that Claire would call her if she was having issues that she didn’t feel comfortable sharing with Dean. Of course she would always end up telling her dad if it were something serious, but they had agreed early on that it was important for Claire to feel like she could go to her for help.

“I’m glad that I’m not boring her too much.” He answered somberly before smiling at his student.

“Anyway, we’ll let you get back to your dinner.” Sam smiled before turning away, easily dodging the subject of the case of the missing dog.

“See you Monday Mr. Novak!” Claire called happily as she bounced after her uncle and aunt. 

Cas looked down at his plate, know that he had gone beet red. That coupled with Gabe’s long whistle didn’t help ease the awkwardness of the situation. 

“Boy was that a great way to meet the in laws.” Gabe said joyfully.


	6. Green River

Green River

 

That is not a word.”

“That is absolutely a word.”

“Dad, tigerfur isn’t a word! It’s not in the dictionary!”

“It’s tigerfur Claire! Tigerfur!” Dean smiled as Ellen walked in shaking her head as he argued with Claire over the word he used for scrabble. 

“Sam! Hey Sam, come here! I need you to look at something.” Claire yelled as she jumped off her chair and ran to find her uncle. Dean could only assume that she was grabbing Sam to take a look at the word that would put him 100 points ahead of her.

Ellen had called him earlier to tell him he had to bring her granddaughter over for dinner. When Dean found out that dinner was prime rib, he extended the invitation to himself. Before long they had a get together planned with Sam and Jess coming too. 

These were the days Dean lived for. Sundays with his family, good food, beer, and company. It was on days like this that he found himself simultaneously longing for Jo but also feeling at peace with everything. It was the closest to complete that he got after the accident. 

He smiled as Ellen brought him another beer before sitting down in the chair Claire had just been in. She looked at the board and laughed at Dean’s word. One thing that Dean had found is that he could always count on Ellen. More than anyone else, she was able to empathize with the loss that Dean felt. 

Ellen stood by his side when he was at his weakest. Dean remembered when he first came home from the hospital without his wife. He walked through the doors with his little girl passed out on his shoulder, Ellen following in closely behind. He had tucked his girl in tightly, her tear stained cheeks something he would deal with the next day. He walked quietly out of her room and shut the door as softly as he could before he collapsed. Ellen sat on the floor next to him and cradled his head in her lap. 

Dean never figured out how long they cried together that night, but he knew by the time he looked up at Ellen his whole body ached. Often times they found themselves mourning the loss together with a glass of whiskey. Other times when they found themselves laughing at memories, they had a bottle of beer. This day was a beer day.

“That’s a creative word you made.” Ellen laughed as they listened to Claire explaining the situation to Sam. 

“Well you know me, got all kinds of creativity built up inside.” Dean smiled as he took a long pull out of the fresh beer Ellen had just given him.

“You got something that’s for sure.” Ellen shook her head and smiled. 

She was always amazed at what a great father Dean was. From the stories she had heard from Bobby, the boys didn’t have a great upbringing. Their mom had passed away when they were young and their dad had gone haywire after that. According to her husband, John Winchester was a raging alcoholic who didn’t give a damn about his boys. Often, Bobby would watch the Impala pull into the salvage yard, Dean and Sam jumping out and running to him excitedly while John would silently pack their bags into the house.

The story was always the same, John had a new job or he had some family business he needed to take care of, but he and Bobby both knew that he couldn’t handle it. He would be on a bender for god knows how long. Not that Bobby cared, as far as he was concerned, the only reason he let that man still come around was for those boys. 

Ellen knew that eventually John dropped them off and never came back. Dean never asked about his father because, as far as he was concerned, his dad had always been Bobby. Dean was starting his sophomore year in high school when he last saw his dad. 

“Ellen, you’re looking at me funny.” Dean picked at the label of his beer bottle. It had almost been three months since he met Mr. Novak. He no longer panicked when he went outside in the light, no longer distracted by the vibrant colors that came his way. Dean sometimes found himself enjoying them, it was a rare occasion but it happened none the less.

“Just wondering how things are going? Bobby said you were working extra hours?” Dean rolled his eyes. That old man could never keep his mouth shut which, most of the time, wasn’t a problem. It only became one when Ellen started grilling him.

“Just a couple hours here and there, nothing bad.” Dean shrugged picking at the label on his bottle. He wasn’t struggling by any means, he made enough at the shop to give Claire a reasonably comfortable lifestyle. Bobby had let the reigns loose when he had his accident and pretty much left everything to Dean as far as managing the day to day business. 

Every once in a while, though, he found himself a little short on the bills or some emergency would come up. It was those months that he spent extra time at the shop, working over time. That was just what Bobby could see, though, what they didn’t know was that Dean would often do repair work around people’s houses, he would pick up a shift at the dive bar across town, or he would do car restorations on the side. Truth was those couple of hours were actually more like twenty, and with his strict no missing out on family time rule, those twenty hours were grueling.

“You know you can use some of the money from the law suit.” Ellen suggested bravely. Everyone knew how Dean felt about the money that was won through the lawsuit. He often referred to it as “blood money” when the judge first awarded the funds that Ellen had sued for. Now those funds just sat untouched and ignored by him altogether.

Most of it was in a trust for Claire, if she went to college she would be able to use that money right then, otherwise she would have to wait until she turned twenty five to start receiving payouts. The other portion sat in a savings account waiting for the day Dean might actually need it. According to him that day would be when hell froze over.

“Now listen, Dean, I know you don’t want to use that money,” Ellen said quickly when she noticed the heavy eye roll. “But think of all the hours you’re missing out on at home.” 

“Ellen, you and I both know I’m never touching that money, and I don’t want to talk about it.” Dean said as his phone began ringing. Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out the device and looked at the name on the screen. 

“I gotta take this.” He said as he answered the phone while watching Ellen roll her eyes.

“This is Dean.” 

“Hey Dean, it’s Jodi. Listen we just had a wreck out on Highway 24 and need a tow truck for one of vehicles. It’s busted pretty bad.” Dean listened as Jodi described what she needed. He had worked hard to build the relationship between Singer Salvage and the local authority. In the past Bobby had been known to be particularly belligerent when it came to the law and it lost him all the business from the department. Once Dean had taken over, though, they found themselves being the number one call for the locals.

“Sure Jodi, give me about thirty.” Dean said as he glanced at his watch.

“Thanks Dean.” He hung up the phone quickly and looked towards Ellen.

“Do you mind if Claire stays here a little later? I’ve got a tow.” Ellen just rolled her eyes and smiled.

“You know I don’t mind.” 

“Hey Claire, Sam! Come in here.” Dean hollered from the table as he pulled his jacket on. He could hear Claire talking passionately as the two approached the dining room.

“- it’s just not a word, Sam. You have to tell him!” Sam approached the table slowly and looked at the word quietly as Dean hugged Claire tightly.

“I’ll be back in a couple hours, ok?” 

“Alright, but first you have to see what Sam says.” Claire insisted as Sam sighed slowly. He stood to full height and shook his head.

“I’m sorry Claire, but tigerfur is definitely a word.” He shrugged as Dean and Ellen burst out laughing.

“I thought you were supposed to be smart!” Was the last thing Dean heard his daughter say as he walked out the front door and towards the tow truck.


	7. Sister Golden Hair

Sister Golden Hair

Cas sat on the hood of his crumpled car with his head in his hands. He couldn’t believe it. The driver of the other car was currently speaking with the sheriff heatedly. Cas could only guess what he was saying.

Though he definitely wasn’t at fault, Cas still couldn’t help but feel like somehow his old car was paling in comparison to the shiny black corvette. At least in the owner’s eyes.

When the wreck had initially happened, the other man jumped out of his car guns blazing. All Cas could do was sit back and listen until, thankfully, a witness stepped forward. 

The sheriff had shown up not much longer after that and gained control of the situation. Though Cas was grateful that she showed up and that the witness had seen that it was, in fact, the other drivers fault, he still couldn’t help but wonder what the hell he was going to do now. He knew his car was totaled and doubted very much that his insurance company would give him enough to replace it. 

“Hey Castiel,” the sheriff said as she approached him cautiously. “I called a tow truck a while back. He should be getting here any minute. I’m going to give you the case number and my card before you guys take off, ok?” Cas just nodded without looking at her. 

He wasn’t sure how much later the black rig showed up, but it couldn’t have taken too long. Cas watched as the driver positioned it in front of his car. The noise of the door opening and closing barely registering.

“Hey Jodie.” Cas registered in the back of his mind that he probably knew that voice, but at that moment he didn’t care to look.

“Hey Dean, hope I didn’t interrupt something.” Ok, now he cared. Cas snapped his head up quickly and looked at the profile of none other than Dean Winchester. 

Cas had thought of him often through the past months. He wondered how he was adjusting to the changes of the world around him, he wished that he could talk to him about how hard it seemed to be. After the first couple of days, Cas found himself getting head aches more often and he couldn’t help but think it had something to do with how bright everything was now. He wished he could talk to Dean simply for the companionship of having someone who was going through the same thing. It was obvious, though, with the way he rushed out of Cas’s classroom, that Dean didn’t want anything to do with him.

Jodie said something and pointed towards Cas, Dean’s eyes following her direction. Cas could see the momentary falter in Dean’s smile before he pasted it back on his face carefully. 

“Hey Mr. Novak.” He said in a whiskey sweet voice. Cas was looking straight into the face of the most beautiful man he had ever seen for the second time in his life.

“So you’ve met Castiel.” The sheriff said with a smile as she led Dean closer to Cas.

“Uh, yeah, he’s one of Claire’s teachers.” Cas noticed the way Dean’s neck turned slightly red as he nervously scratched the back of his head. If he was trying to make it seem less awkward he was doing a terrible job of it, Cas thought. 

“Oh you know Claire! You might know my daughter Alex then. The two are great friends.” Jodie said enthusiastically.

“Yes, though she isn’t in any of my classes.” Cas said, wondering why the sheriff thought the two girls were good friends. From everything he saw at school they acted as if they didn’t know each other. 

“Alright guys, enough with the pleasantries. I’m going to get this car loaded, got a kid waiting for me.” Dean said hurriedly before rushing towards the tow truck. Cas stared after him confused, wondering why he ran off so quickly. 

It didn’t take Dean too long to get his car loaded up and soon Cas found himself sitting in close proximity with the man for a thirty minute ride. He didn’t know what to say, or if he even should say anything at all. 

For the first bit Dean drove, drumming his fingers restlessly against the steering wheel. He kept rhythm with the classic rock song that was playing, barely loud enough to hear. Cas sat with his hands folded neatly on his lap staring at the road.

It was awkward, to say the least. The tension so thick Cas thought he might suffocate from it. He wanted to say something, anything, to put the air at ease. The only problem was he just didn’t know what to say. 

It turned out the Cas didn’t have to say anything at all. Before too long Dean looked over at him and smiled nervously before taking a deep breath.

“Hey man, I’m sorry for, you know, bailing on you. I should have made sure were ok.” Cas tilted his head in confusion and stared at Dean, who had brought his eyes back to road.

“I was more worried about you.” Cas stated simply and noted the shade of pink Dean went.

“Yeah, well I could have at least asked if you were ok.” Dean mumbled to himself.

“Well I assure you, I’m quite alright.” Cas watched the scenery fly by for a few more minutes before Dean cleared his throat.

“Claire and Alex used to be real good friends, but they drifted apart, or at least that’s what Claire tells me. Jodie still thinks they’re great friends, I think she’s under the impression that Alex is still coming over to stay the night quite a bit.” Dean explained, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. Cas silently nodded his head and fiddled with his fingers as he contemplated what to say to the man. 

There were so many things running through his mind, so many questions he wanted to ask. He had thought of them for weeks on end now, and even with all that preparation he found himself rendered speechless. Everything went out the window as soon as Cas saw Dean’s eyes.

“How’re you coping?” Cas gazed towards the man sitting next to him and smiled slightly. Dean was trying so hard to make the ride less uncomfortable, and Cas could tell it was taking effort. So he took pity on the man and breathed deeply before beginning to answer.

“I’m ok, mostly. It’s just... different.” He answered slowly as he stared at his hands. He was unsure of how in depth Dean would want to discuss things so he tried to answer simply.

“Shit, I hear you there. It took me out of work for a couple days.” What Dean didn’t tell Cas was that he spent those days holed up in his house looking at every single picture he could find. 

“I suppose I should have done the same. I fear I tried to push myself too fast.” Cas had dove in head first, he didn’t take any time off and made sure his day to day life never went astray. He wondered if that was part of the reason he always seemed to have headaches.

“Yeah, probably could of used the time off too. The way Claire tells it, you work pretty hard.” At that Cas blushed and quickly looked out the window. He didn’t know why Dean was able to get this strong of a reaction out him, but he found himself cursing the betrayal of his body. 

They pulled into what looked like a burial ground for old cars minutes later. Cas hadn’t been able to find anything to say to Dean, so they settled into a comfortable silence for the last leg of the ride. 

“We can leave your car here until you square things up with insurance. Do you have a ride to get you home?” Dean asked as he parked the tow truck inside a garage. 

“I don’t live too far from here, I’m just going to walk.” Cas shrugged and opened the door, hopping out of the cab. He looked at his car mournfully. He had already gotten everything out of it that he knew he needed for the foreseeable future at least.

“We’re getting ready to head out, I can drop you off on the way.” Dean said with a smile. 

“Oh no, I hate to be a bother and I truly do live close.” Cas lied, he knew he would have at least a thirty minute walk home with an armful of school documents he pulled from his car. He had the overwhelming sense that he could easily get attached to Dean, while the mechanic, according to everyone who knew him, was just a nice guy to everyone. 

“I hate to say this, but I have to insist. My daughter would kill me if she knew I let you walk home.” As if on cue Claire came out the front door and peered cautiously at the person her dad had brought along. A big smile spread across her face when Cas’s eyes met hers, and he finally understood where she got that from. Looking at her dad, he held the same joyous expression when looking at his daughter.

“Mr. Novak, are you ok?” Claire said as she came running toward the garage. 

“Yes, it’s just my car that’s worse for the wear.” Cas answered solemnly. Claire stepped up and looked at his car, letting out a long whistle as she inspected it.

“Oh man, that’s bad,” Cas didn’t miss the pointed glare Dean shot at his daughter and couldn’t help but laugh a little. He had found early on this year that Claire had a mind of her own and she was never afraid to voice what was going through said mind.

“Well Mr. Novak, looks like you’re riding with us.” Claire said as she walked up to the cab of the tow truck and grabbed one of the boxes Cas had pulled out of his car.

“Told you.” Dean smirked.


	8. Yellow Submarine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support! I truly appreciate it. I’m sorry this one took longer than the others but from this point forward things will be moving a bit faster. Thanks again!

Yellow Submarine 

Dean glared at Claire as she went to open the front door. She stared at him blankly before sighing heavily and walking to the back of the car. It had been four days since Cas’s car had been parked at the garage, four days worth of rides that Dean had given.

Not that he minded, he found that Cas was pretty easy to be around under the circumstances. Every morning Dean would drop Cas and Claire off at school and pick them up when he was off. Claire didn’t seem to mind arriving early or staying late, besides if she didn’t want to she could always catch the bus. 

As she slid into the back, Claire began filling Dean in on her day. He listened as she went off about this girl fighting with another over a text that was sent to some boy a completely different girl was dating. He followed along as closely as possible before sighing out of relief at the sight of her teacher walking towards his car.

Dean’s smile quickly faded as he watched another man walking behind Cas carrying a couple of boxes full of what looked to be like files. He quickly slid out of the car and walked up to Cas.

“Hey man, what’s going on?” Dean said as he unconsciously patted one of Cas’s shoulders. 

“Oh nothing, I was just elected to go through old files this weekend and Balthazar kindly offered to carry them out for me.” Dean would have had to have been blind to miss the roll of Cas’s eyes. He tried semi successfully to stifle a laugh.

“I offered to give Castiel a ride home, but he insisted that it would be too far out of the way for me.” Balthazar said, his British accent thick with boredom. 

Dean couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was about this guy that was making the hair on the back of his neck stand up, but there was something. He moved so he was standing beside Cas and held his arms out.

“Don’t worry, I got it.” He said as he took the boxes from the Brits hands and put them in the car. He listened as Cas said goodbye to the man before the sound of the door to his baby opening and closing played in his ears. 

“See you around.” Balthazar waved at Dean and smiled. He just grimaced in response and got into his car.

“Who the hell was that?” Dean asked gruffly as he turned the ignition and backed out of his parking space.

“He’s new.” Claire chirped from the back. Cas nodded solemnly and sighed.

“I think he said he came from New York.” Cas said as he looked out the window.

Dean wondered for a brief moment what was going through the man’s head. He always seemed so quiet on their trips and yet Claire said he was animated and enthusiastic in the classroom. 

“The insurance company told me they would call you tomorrow with a definite answer.” Dean was brought out of his thoughts as Cas looked directly at him.

“I’ll be on the look out for the call then.” Dean said clearing his throat as he turned the corner onto the road that housed Cas’s apartment complex.

Dean knew there was no way the insurance agency would salvage the car. He had seen this situation many times before and wondered how Cas was planing on getting around. Dean was more than happy to give him rides, but he figured the man would tire before long. 

He thought of the cars he had on the lot that he might be able to lend out as he pulled into the parking lot and shut his car off. He knew that the man would have a hard time accepting the help, but his mom had always told him that if he had the ability he should offer his aid. 

“Dad, can I sit up front?” Claire broke Dean’s thoughts as she watched him expectantly.

“Yeah, I’m just going to help Cas carry those boxes upstairs.” Dean pointed towards them before getting out of his car.

“Don’t worry about it.” Cas mumbled before trying to grab both boxes and his brief case. He was unsuccessful. 

“Come on man, that’s something you say to old Balthy back there, not me.” Before Cas could protest again Dean had both boxes in his arms and was walking towards the entrance of the apartment building. 

“Balthy?” Cas asked curiously as he easily caught up to Dean. 

“Yeah, it’s his new nickname.” Dean smiled.

“Do you always give nicknames?” He asked curiously while holding the door for Dean. 

“Sometimes, not always.” He couldn’t help but smile at the perplexed look on the other man’s face. Dean couldn’t quite figure Cas out and he was stuck between being annoyed and intrigued by that fact. He wanted to know what was going through his head when he had that expression on his face, but he didn’t quite know how to come out and ask him. 

“You’re very odd.” Cas mumbled as he walked up the stairs, leaving Dean laughing behind him.

.....

Cas unlocked the door to his apartment and silently prayed that he had kept it somewhat acceptable. Company was something he never had and over the past few months he’d gotten used to being alone. Often times he would come home and get annoyed with his room mate for the mess that they made before remembering that he didn’t have one.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that it, in fact, clean. Cas held the door for Dean before following him in and shutting it. The first  
thing he noticed was the heater, or lack thereof. He reported it to his landlord weeks ago and it still hadn’t been fixed. At first he didn’t worry but since it was getting closer to winter he was a little panicked. 

The second thing he noticed was the look on Dean’s face when he saw the apartment. He wasn’t sure why, but Cas wanted the other man to like it. He wanted him to see all the pride that Cas felt for finally having a home of his own. 

It was odd to Cas that the small smile on Dean’s face made him happy. Though, he figured, with the man being the first person outside of his family to see the place it was normal.

“Nice place Cas.” Dean said as he walked in and placed the boxes he was carrying on the table.

“Thanks, I just wish I could get the heater running.” He mumbled and shrugged. Dean raised an eyebrow as he crossed over to the control and poked a few buttons. When nothing happened he turned towards Cas with a worried look on his face.

“How long has it been broke?”

“A couple weeks, I think. I told the landlord but I haven’t heard anything from him.” Cas shrugged as he tried to hide the genuine worry.

“Well, if it’s out for you then it’s out for everyone. Can’t imagine Garth hasn’t gotten a lot of calls about it.” Dean said as he scratched the back of his head. 

“You know Garth?” Cas asked with a surprised tone.

“Yeah, he’s an old buddy of mine, been pretty sick lately though. I wonder if that’s what’s going on,” Cas stared at Dean as he stood in the middle of the apartment with his arms crossed as he contemplated what to do next. “Tell you what, I’ll give him a call and figure it out. Can’t survive the winter without heat.” Dean came to the conclusion as he walked towards the door.

“Oh Dean, really it’s fine.” Cas said hurriedly, he didn’t want to be thought of as a tattle tale. It only made it worse the Dean turned out to be a friend of Garth’s. He was probably going to tell Garth that Cas had been complaining.

“Don’t worry Cas. See you tomorrow!” Dean yelled as he walked out of the door.

“Wait! We don’t have school tomorrow.” Cas trailed off as he realized the door had been closed. He couldn’t help but wonder what he’d gotten himself into.


	9. White Room

White Room

Cas paced the apartment the next day. He wasn’t sure what he had gotten himself into but he couldn’t help the feeling of despair that sank in. 

Garth was nice, if not a little peculiar, and Cas didn’t want any trouble with him. He certainly didn’t want Dean to feel obligated to help him where the other man had already offered so much. The rides that Dean gave him in the morning and night were more than Cas could want from someone, and now he was going to confront Garth.

It was ten before Cas sat down and began drinking a cup of coffee. His legs were folded underneath him as he cradled the hot mug in his hands and stared at the wall. Maybe, he thought as he took a sip, Dean had decided not to do anything after all. Ideally this is what would have happened and Cas could quit worrying over it, but there was something in the back of his mind telling him this wasn’t the case.

From the glimpses into the life of Dean Winchester that Cas’s wrecked car had given him, he could tell that the mechanic gave everything he had and then some. He could see the proud glint in the green eyes when Claire talked about acing a test. He could see the joy in his smile when he spoke of fixing up cars. He could see the pain written on his face when it got too quiet. 

Cas wished on multiple occasions that he could do something for the man, but found himself unsure of what he had to offer. He had asked to give him money for the storage of his car, Dean declined almost immediately. Cas had also offered gas money which went over just about as well as Britney Spears’s marriage to Kevin. 

He was thankful that Dean had helped him out so much, but Cas felt as though he was using the man. It had been almost a year since he and his ex broke things off. He remembered it as being the most painful thing he’d ever experienced, between packing his own things out while his ex fiancé’s soul mate moved her things in, and losing his dog, Cas was emotionally shredded. 

He didn’t know when exactly it happened, but at some point in the three year relationship Cas had become dependent on Alfie. Not in the emotional sense or even a financial sense, but he found himself depending on the other man for reassurance. He needed Alfie to prove to himself that he was worth something. So when he finally admitted to talking to his soul mate and falling for her in the process, Cas blamed himself. 

Even though Gabe told Cas that there was nothing he could have done on multiple occasions, Cas still felt like it was his fault. He stewed over the whole relationship and wondered how something as simple as seeing colors could change a person’s life course so quickly. Cas fucking hated soul mates.

Even though he eventually realized that it wasn’t his fault and that he did deserve better, Cas wondered how he found himself in a position where he depended on someone again. He thought he’d taken all the precautions to ensure that it wouldn’t happen again and yet here he was, playing the part of the fool.

“Oh God.” Cas moaned as he rubbed his temples. The quiet knock at his door had him standing up and walking towards the source. Before he could stop to think about, he turned the handle and came face to face with a worried looking Garth.

“Hey Garth.” Cas said as he stood aside and let his landlord in. The man looked skinnier than the last time he had been over, if that was even possible.

“Hi Castiel,” Garth nervously wrung his hands together as he walked into the middle of the room and faced Cas. “Look man, I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry I didn’t get that heater fixed quicker. It was top on my priority list but then I got sick and I just.. I let it slip. Dean’s fixing it up right now though, so you’ll have heat within the next couple hours.” He rushed through the words and then looked bashfully at the ground as he waited for a response.

Cas wasn’t sure how to handle the apology. He certainly never thought Garth would come to him with the intent of seeking forgiveness. Now the man stood in his apartment with a look of shame that only aided in making Cas feel worse about the situation.

“It wasn’t a big deal Garth, but I appreciate you getting it fixed.” Cas said awkwardly as he stared at the ground.

“I just can’t believe I let it slip, but it’s getting done now.” Garth smiled and gave Cas an awkward thumbs up before turning to leave.

“Wait Garth,” Cas said hastily before the man could leave. Garth turned quickly and smiled at him. “You said Dean was the one fixing it?” 

“Yeah, he’s down the hall.” Garth pointed in the general direction that Cas would find Dean before turning and leaving the other way. 

Cas stood debating whether or not he should go see Dean and thank him for what he was doing. On one hand it might seem a little odd that Cas sought him out, but on the other he really did appreciate the mechanic taking time out of his Saturday.

In the end his want to thank the other man won out and Cas found himself tip toeing down the hallway in his pajamas while clutching a coffee cup nervously. He heard Claire before anything else. Slowing down, he smiled as he listened to the father and daughter arguing.

“No Dad, it goes the other way. I watched you take it apart.” 

“Claire, I’m telling you right now I know what I’m doing. It goes on this way.” 

“Bull shit it does!” 

“Hey, watch your damn mouth would ya? I can’t believe you kiss your father goodnight with that filthy thing.”

“All the kids at my school say it, besides Papa says it’s ok as long as I only use when I’m trying to get a point across.”

“Well a, I don’t care what the kids at school say, and b, Papa is a greasy old mechanic, of course he thinks it’s ok.” Cas decided to step around the corner to the comical sight of Dean sat with his legs crossed and head turned in the direction of Claire, who was leaned against a wall with her arms hanging as she stared at the ceiling. 

“Hello guys.” Cas waved awkwardly as he smiled at the pair. He pretended that he didn’t notice the sweat and grit in Dean’s face, which somehow made him all the more attractive. 

Dean smiled briefly at Cas before turning and fixing his daughter with an even more pointed glare.

“Great! Now your teacher knows you have a potty mouth too.” Claire groaned while Dean turned back towards the unit with a look that could only be described as victory.

“I assure you, Dean, Claire is excellent student with an exemplary mouth.” Cas said seriously as Claire snickered. 

“Yeah yeah, you ganging up on me with her Cas?” Dean smiled as he continued working with the heater.

“Simply stating the facts.” Cas smiled.

“Hey Mr. Novak, do you have TV?” Claire asked excitedly as she pushed off the wall and looked up at Cas with what could only be described as puppy dog eyes.

“Claire.” Dean said warning in his voice. Claire deflated as she leaned back against the wall and pouted. 

“I have a tablet you can watch some shows on, if it’s ok with you.” Cas looked at Dean who was staring back at him. He began to wonder if he shouldn’t have offered when Dean shrugged his shoulders.

“As long as it’s not a problem with you.” 

“Oh please, you’re fixing the heater, the least I can do is keep your help entertained.” Cas said as he turned to go back to his apartment listening as Claire exclaimed with excitement on his way there.

~

Cas came back to check on them a few more times over the next hour. He brought Claire the tablet with headphones and Dean a cup of coffee. Later he brought Claire a soda and Dean a water, and the last time he asked them to stay for an early dinner. That’s how Dean found himself sitting on Cas’s sofa with a plateful of spaghetti on his lap. Claire sat next to Dean watching a movie intently while Cas sat in the recliner next to her. 

The fact that this was Dean’s third helping was kindly not mentioned by anyone in the room. He was hungry, but Cas was also a damn good cook if this was any indicator. 

“Dean, I really do appreciate you fixing that. You didn’t have to do it.” Cas said looking at his hands folded in his lap. Dean just smiled at him and waved his hand in dismissal.

“It’s what friends do Cas.” 

“Garth must really like having a friend like you.” Cas smiled at Dean with sincerity. It took Dean a moment to realize what he had meant by saying that and he found himself needing to refute the statement.

“I didn’t do it for Garth, Cas, that was for you.” As soon as he said it Dean wished he could take the words back. He realized that yes, it was the truth, but he didn’t have to say it like that. 

Cas’s cheeks turned bright red and Dean found himself coughing out of nerves. What the hell was wrong with him? He had plenty of friends, so why was it so awkward for him to admit that Cas was one of them? 

“Alright Claire, lets clean up our messes and hit the road, don’t want to be in Cas’s hair for too long.” Dean said as he stood and tapped Claire’s shoulder, which earned him another smothering glare. 

“Please don’t worry about it, I’ll get this all taken care of.” Cas motioned to the kitchen and Dean nodded in return.

“Alright, well thanks for dinner man, it was really great.” Dean said before turning to leave. 

“Hey Dean,” Cas called before he could leave the front door that Claire had already gone out of. He noticed the other man was wringing his hands together, a habit that had become apparent over the time they spent together. “Thanks for fixing that again, it’s nice having a friend.” Cas smiled genuinely up at Dean. He felt his heart skip a beat at the joy in the other man’s face, the crinkles in the corners of his eyes and the width of his smile told Dean he had put his whole heart into it. Without thinking, Dean reached out and squeezed his right hand, letting the gesture linger for far too long.

“Yeah Cas, it really is.” He let go of his hand and walked out closing the door behind him.

What the fuck was going on with him?


	10. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

Dean watched as a sporty red mustang pulled into the shop’s parking lot. He wondered briefly who it might be, though his place had a reputation for being the best one around, he hadn’t seen someone driving a car like that around Lawrence. Would someone come from out of town just to have him work on their baby? He knew he could do it, but he just couldn’t believe it. His thoughts were disrupted by Bobby throwing a grease rag at him.

“You gotta introduce yourself before you can get to any base with that beauty.” He muttered as he wheeled past Dean to his own desk.

“Oh you know me Bobby, got hands as soft as satin, she’ll be purring when I’m done with her.” Dean smiled and laughed as Bobby rolled his eyes. 

“I have no clue why Harvelle women love you.” 

“I’m charming Bobby, that’s why.” Dean winked as he walked out the door and towards the Mustang. The driver had yet to get out of the car, leaving Dean to wonder what the hell was going on. 

As he got closer the window went half down and he saw the blue eyes he had been randomly thinking about for the past week. Dean faltered a step, hoping that no one had seen it. Cas had called him the Sunday after he fixed the heater for the building to let him know that he would no longer need his assistance to get to work. Those were his exact words. 

He had spent the past few days wondering if he had done something to make Cas uncomfortable. Certainly his awkward hand holding wasn’t exactly normal, but Dean had hoped that the other man wouldn’t notice. Unfortunately that didn’t seem to be the case.

“Heya Cas.” Dean waved awkwardly at the man who was now staring at him with what could only be described as panicked eyes.

“Dean, I can’t find the button.” He said with a strained voice. Cas opened the door awkwardly as Dean walked forward wondering what he was talking about.

“What do you mean?” Dean asked as he looked the car up and down, wondering how Cas had gotten a ride like this. 

“The button that turns it on and off.” He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face as he walked towards the car and bent inside. Dean quickly pushed the ignition and stood before facing Cas again.

“There you go.” Dean said as he shut the door of the car, noting that the window was still down. He shrugged as he began walking towards Cas. 

“Thank you,” Cas said emphatically as he rolled his eyes. “It’s my brother’s car, he said I could borrow it until I either got mine fixed or found a suitable one. I hate it.” He sighed as he stared at the flashy car.

“She’s a beauty Cas, don’t know how you could hate that thing.” Dean answered seriously before indicating the other man to follow him inside. 

“It’s too fancy. I don’t understand it at all.” Cas sighed defeatedly. Dean noted the way his face pulled downwards. The small pout on his lips had Dean wondering if the man was genuinely disappointed. The way he stared dejectedly at the floor, his plump lips pushed out further than Dean had ever noticed. 

For a brief second Dean pictured himself walking up to Cas. He would place his hands on either sides of the man’s face and use his thumb to barely pull at Cas’s bottom lip. He could imagine how soft they were, feel them against his thumb. He could feel his hands travel from Cas’s face down to his muscular shoulders, then to his hands. Dean would move just one step closer and then if he leaned in just a bit...

“Dean?” Bobby said gruffly, breaking Dean out of his day dream. He shook his head quickly and looked towards Bobby. The older man was looking at him with a face that could only be described as perplexed.

“Yeah Bobby?” Dean’s voice came out as huff. He was so utterly confused about what he had just been thinking that he didn’t care how he sounded. It wasn’t like him to get worked up over a person like this. 

It wasn’t just that it was Cas, it was that it wasn’t Jo. It had been a very long time since he’d looked at anyone other than his wife and wondered what their lips would feel like. 

“I was wondering who this is?” Bobby answered gruffly, indicating Cas. The man stood awkwardly trying to look anywhere but Dean and Bobby. 

“This is Cas, Claire’s English teacher.” Dean smiled as Cas shook Bobby’s hand.

“I’m Bobby,” he shook Cas’s hand before turning away and shuffling through papers on the desk. “Look I hate to do this, but I told Ellen I’d come home early tonight. Apparently she needs some help with that granddaughter of mine.” Bobby rolled his eyes as he made his way to do the door. Dean laughed as he thought of Claire staying the night with her grandparents, it had been her idea and they’d loved it. 

“Ah don’t worry man, I gave the long speech about behaving herself for Ellen. Now you, that’s a different story,” Dean winked before walking over and opening the door for Bobby. “Let me know if you guys need me.” 

“Like hell.” Bobby grunted just before the door swung closed. Dean laughed before turning back to Cas, the man was no longer looking at ground instead staring right at Dean with a perplexed look. 

“Why you staring at me Cas?” Dean said quietly before the other man shook his head and smiled.

“Sorry, must have lost focus.” Cas looked quickly toward the ground while wringing his hands. Dean couldn’t help but smile at how incredibly nervous the man seemed. 

Before he could stop himself, Dean was in front of the other man. He reached out for Cas’s hand and gently stroked his thumb over his knuckles. He marveled at how rough the teacher’s hand was even though he spent most of the day in a classroom. 

Dean felt his breath catching in his throat as Cas squeezed his hand. It may have been gentle and barely noticeable, but he knew. When he looked up he saw those deep blue eyes staring at him closely. Dean could get lost in those eyes for hours. 

He leaned in closer, the scent of wood and fresh cut grass hung heavily on the teacher and Dean wanted to chase it. He wanted to bury his nose in the other man’s neck and wrap one arm around his waist while the other went to his hair and..... 

“Fuck.” Dean muttered as he dropped the hand he had been holding turned around quickly. What the fuck was wrong with him?

........

Cas stood still in the spot that Dean had left him. He wasn’t sure what had just happened but he did know that the mechanic was obviously not ok with it. It was a little disappointing, he had to admit, but he had also already resigned himself to the idea that this gorgeous man he’d matched with would never actually want to be with him.

“Fuck, I’m sorry man. I don’t know what happened.” Dean muttered scratching at his head nervously and looking anywhere but Cas. 

“I suppose you don’t know what happened at my apartment either?” As soon as the words came out he wished he could take them back. Dean became frighteningly still as he glared right at Cas. 

Normally, when faced with a glare like that, Cas would back down. There was something about Dean, though, that told him he didn’t have to. That he would never need to be afraid of the mechanic no matter how he got.

“That what you came here for? To be a dick about what happened?” Dean said quietly. Cas could see the regret in the other man’s eyes, could tell that it had been eating the mechanic as much as it had him. 

“No, that’s not,” Cas sighed heavily. He shouldn’t have brought the apartment up, never planned to in first place and yet it still came flying out. “That’s not what I came to talk about.” 

“Sure seemed to be the first thing on your mind.” Dean looked out the window, giving Cas a glimpse of his perfect chin. Why the hell did his match have to be so attractive and so confusing?

“I didn’t mean to, I just... I guess I’m just confused.” Cas looked at the floor again, wondering when he was going to be able to have a full conversation with the man without having to look away. 

Dean sighed and walked over to his desk, he sat down in the chair and hung his head in his hands. 

“I’m sorry, I... I don’t know man.” Dean’s voice barely there. He sounded so defeated, Cas felt the sudden urge to comfort the man. 

He walked slowly towards Dean and knelt down in front of him on the floor. Cas made no move to touch the other man but was glad that Dean looked at him. Their eyes locked for a moment before Dean quickly looked away. It wasn’t soon enough though.

Within those green eyes Cas saw a storm of emotions that he was sure the other man had a hard time carrying every day. Pain, confusion, hope, sorrow, and loss all in one. 

Cas had noticed it before, the tired circles under Dean’s eyes, the smile that looked a little too strained to be genuine at times. He often found himself wondering how could possibly help the other man. What did he have to offer that Dean would take solace in? He hoped that his friendship offered some kind of peace, but Cas had a feeling that whatever peace he provided was greatly overshadowed by the demons within. 

“I don’t know Cas, I’m just so fucking broken,” Dean leaned back and rubbed his eyes. The sigh that escaped the mechanics lips was a heavy one. “This whole match thing just doesn’t... It just doesn’t make sense.”

Cas felt his fists ball up as he stood up and went to the front door. Without asking he flipped the lock before returning to sit on the desk top. He may not have known the man very long, but he did know that he appreciated privacy in moments like these.

“Tell me about her.” Cas whispered, almost too scared to ask something so personal of the man.

“She was... She was just great. She was a spitfire, always kept me on my toes. Her laugh was infectious, she could make friends with anyone through her smile... She was my person. I thought I would have her forever,” Dean’s voice broke as he trailed off in tears. “Fuck man, I try so hard.... I try to be strong for Claire, but I just worry that I’m fucking her up... Worry that I’m fucking everything up.” 

Cas wasn’t sure how it happened, but he found himself on the ground in front of Dean once more, his hand clutching the other’s tightly. The mechanic’s rough hand closed around Cas’s own. 

“I just know Jo would have been so much better at this.” Dean said dejectedly.

“She sounds amazing, Dean, actually she reminds me of someone.” Dean smiled at Cas, tears streaming down his face. 

“Yeah, Claire can light up a room like her mom could. I see so much of Jo in her that it amazes me.”

“I can only imagine,” Cas took a deep breath before searching Dean’s eyes. “Dean, I’m not going to tell you that this isn’t just as hard on Claire and that she doesn’t hurt because I don’t know. I do know that she’s not fucked up. She’s smart and ambitious, she’s a great student.” Dean smiled at Cas and laughed, an expression of joy washing over his face.

“She’s great. Without that girl I don’t know what I would do,” Cas smiled at Dean and ran his thumb over his knuckles, mirroring the actions of the other man moments before. Dean smiled sadly and squeezed his hand back before letting go. “Cas, I don’t know if I can be what you want me to be.” Cas sucked in a breath, irrational anger washing over him as he glared at Dean.

“I don’t want you to be anything, Dean,” Cas swallowed as he stood and leaned on the desk again. “You think I’m one of those match whores? That because we’re true mates I think we have to be together? I have news for you Winchester, I hate the idea just as much as you. I’m not expecting anything.” To his credit, Dean’s face flushed red as soon as the words came out of Cas’s mouth. 

 

“Cas, I know you’re not a match whore, whatever the hell that is, I just.... Jesus, I don’t know!” Dean exclaimed. 

“I’ve obviously misunderstood our friendship, or you have considering you’re the one sending mixed signals. Either way, it’s probably best I go.” Cas got up and hurriedly walked towards the door. 

“Cas wait! You came here for a reason.” Dean said hopelessly as he stood to join Cas at the door. 

“Just forget it, Dean. I gotta go.” With that Cas unlocked the door and turned his back towards Dean.  



	11. Blueberry Hill

Blueberry Hill

Claire unlocked the front door and opened it carefully before shutting it and locking it up again, a precaution her dad had made her take when she started going straight home from school instead of to her grandparents’ home. She flipped on the light switch and took her coat off, hanging it up in the closet before heading to the kitchen and grabbing the phone.

“Singer Auto, this is Dean.”

“Charger or Corvette?”

“Charger. Corvettes are for retired men to drive to tennis matches in.” Claire laughed at the familiar tone of her dad’s voice. 

“Good to know.”

“I presume you made it home?” 

“Safe and sound with the door locked.”

“That’s what I like to hear. Listen, I’m not going to be home till later, got a bunch of shit to do around the shop. There’s some leftovers from last night or you can make something else if you want.”

“What time will you be back?”

“Probably not till after your young self should be tucked into bed. Remember we have that barbecue this weekend, so get your homework done and go to bed on time.” She listened as he laid out the rules. They both knew there was no way he was going to be home later than 8:30 and that she would definitely still be awake then, but every once in a while he liked to pretend he could leave her home by herself for longer than 3 hours.

“Alright Dad, I’ll get it done. Is Grandpa there?”

“Yeah, he’s rolling around here like a lunatic.” Claire laughed as she could hear the unmistakeable objection of her grandpa.

“Be nice to him, he’s old!” 

“I’ll keep that in mind. Call me if you need anything.” 

“Right, love you Dad!”

“Love you too.” Claire hung the phone up quickly and looked through her book bag and pulled out the only homework she had. It was a short list of math equations that she knew she could get through quickly. She stared at the paper and thought about the new video game her uncle had just got her before shrugging her shoulders and walking towards the living room.

She didn’t make it far before she heard the phone ring. Rolling her eyes before turning around, Claire made her way back to the kitchen and answered the phone quickly.

“Hello?”

“Don’t you even think about playing that game before you do your homework.” Her dad’s voice scolded into the phone. 

“I wasn’t going to do that Dad.” Claire sighed as she made her way back to the kitchen table and sat down heavily.

“I’m not dumb Claire. Get it done and then play.” 

“Yes Sir” She saluted to no one before hanging and started working on her math.

......

Cas looked at the stack of papers he had laying in front of him. He wished he could say he had better things to do on a Friday night than grading papers but he knew he didn’t. The glass of whiskey that set next to him went almost unnoticed, save for the sips he took occasionally as he lined the papers with red.

It had been three weeks since he’d last seen Dean. That smug bastard hadn’t even bothered to try to apologize to him for being so conceited. All he wanted was a friend, just someone in this town he could go to instead of Gabe, who was quite frankly rather annoying. 

He wondered what he had done to give Dean the impression that he was interested in a romantic relationship with him? Not that he would say no if the other man offered, but he truly wasn’t looking for anything more from him. Besides, Dean had been the one who made the moves, right? Cas was too confused to focus on the papers in front of him. 

Dean had been on his mind often lately. Claire asked him just that morning if his car had been fixed, truth be told he was too annoyed to go to the shop and find out. He was surprised, though, to find out that Claire had no idea. 

Cas sighed and rubbed his eyes before standing and stretching. What he needed was some fresh air to take his mind off of things. 

Before long Cas found himself outside jogging through the brisk October air. He had never appreciated the beauty of fall before he could see the colors. The vivid reds and oranges jumped out at him with a vibrancy that he loved. With his head phones in and his music turned up, he ran through the town of Lawrence without thinking of where he was going. 

He had just started getting into a rhythm before his music was interrupted by the shrill sound of his ringtone. He stopped on the sidewalk and pulled his phone out of his pocket while keeping his feet moving. 

“Hello?” He answered out of breath without looking at the number first.

“Hey Cas, this is Dean.” The familiar timbre of the other man’s voice sent a thrill down Cas’s spine. What the fuck was wrong with him?

“Dean.” He said by way of acknowledgement. He figured the less talking the better.

“Listen, I was wondering if you could come to the shop so we can discuss your car.”

“You’re still at the shop?” Cas asked shocked even as he started walking in the direction of the shop. 

“Yeah, just had to finish some stuff up before the weekend. Are you able to come in?” There was a note of desperation in Dean’s voice that Cas wasn’t convinced he’d just imagined. 

“I guess now is as good a time as any. Give me about ten minutes.” He had to go for his car right?

....

Dean sat and stared at the clock. He tapped his fingers restlessly against his desk as he waited for Cas to show. He was dreading this moment, terrified of how Cas would react to having Dean call him and even more scared of how he would handle seeing him.

The man’s car had been parked at the shop for a little over a month now. Dean didn’t know whether he should fix it or call it quits, and he felt that way about more than just Cas’s beat up car.

He missed the man like crazy. His quirky personality had grown on Dean and he found himself wanting to call the teacher to talk about his day. He’d been driving Claire to school still with the hopes of running into him but he never caught a glimpse. He’d seen Cas driving around town a couple times in the Mustang his brother had leant him, but he was never in the right spot to stop him and talk to him.

So what if Dean had asked him to come here with more on his mind than just talking about the car? Was it so horrible that he wanted to talk to Cas and hopefully gain his friendship back? To be honest, he didn’t really care whether or not it was. He had to get the man in front of him again. 

The bell on the door jingled as Cas tried to open it. Dean quickly stood up and walked over to unlock it, then quickly locked it back up once Cas was inside. 

“It’s just that we’re closed for business hours.” Dean said at Cas’s confused face. 

Cas still seemed a little unsure but shrugged and walked towards a chair anyways. Dean watched as he sat down and noticed that he was in sweats that were soaked through with sweat. Looking at the door there wasn’t a car parked in the lot so Cas hadn’t driven here.

“No car today?”

“I was out running when you called.” The simple statement made Dean’s stomach do flips. The depth of his voice hit Dean like a sucker punch.

“Sorry, uh, you didn’t have to come.” He said lamely as he walked over to the desk that Cas was sitting at and sat in the chair on the opposite side.

“Well, we need to talk about my car.” It was cut and dry. There was nothing else Cas planned on talking to Dean about, and really why should he? Dean had called him here to talk about his car and if that was all he was going to get he was just going to have to accept it. 

“Yeah, about that, are you wanting it to be fixed or are you wanting to scrap it?” Dean asked looking at Cas. The other man was looking anywhere but at him and it was frustrating the hell out of Dean.

“Well Dean, I think I need a quote on how much it’s going to cost before I can make my decision.” Cas said matter of factly. Dean blushed as he searched through the papers on his desk before pulling the quote out and handing it over to Cas. 

The sharp intake of breath from the teacher was what Dean had been expecting. There was no way any sane person would put that much money into fixing the car even if they had it laying around. 

“If it were up to me, Cas, I’d put your insurance check into a different car.” Dean said quietly as Cas shook his head.

They sat awkwardly as Cas stared at the piece paper in his hand and slowly began crying. It took Dean off guard as the other man’s shoulders began shaking. The mechanic stood and walked to the other side of the desk, plucking the paper out of his hands.

“Cas, I know it’s scary that you don’t have a car right but we can find you a good reliable one that doesn’t cost you an arm and leg, but that car out there isn’t worth what it will cost to fix it.” Dean said in the soothing voice. Cas just covered his eyes and cried even harder.

“Hey man, tell me what’s going on. Please?” Dean begged as he knelt down in front of Cas. He was very aware that they had been in a similar position three weeks ago, but he didn’t care. He just wanted Cas to be ok.

“I just, I just bought that car six months ago and I know it’s ugly and I’m being stupid, but I did it on my own.” Dean watched as the tips of Cas’s ears turned red with embarrassment. 

“Hey,” Dean said as he pulled Cas’s hands away from his eyes and looked at him. “That’s not stupid, Cas -“

“Oh can it Dean, we both know it is. I’m a grown man who had never bought a car on his own before this one. I’m old Dean! I’m a late bloomer!” Dean bit his lip as he tried not to laugh at Cas’s exclamations. Cas just glared at him.

“Ok, look, just because you never bought a car before this one doesn’t mean you’re a late bloomer. The first time I ever cooked spaghetti for Claire she puked, but I kept trying.” 

“Dean, please don’t compare your horrendous cooking skills to my late blooming.” Cas pouted, full on pouted to Dean, which only made the mechanic actually laugh.

“It was the first time I cooked after Jo passed and I made my daughter puke. That’s what I call late blooming.” Dean laughed but noticed Cas had gone still. When he looked up he saw the pained look in the other man’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry Dean, I didn’t know.” He whispered and wiped at his eyes.

“Don’t be sorry Cas, did I cry that night? You bet your ass I did, but then I learned how to make a mean spaghetti and laugh about it. The point is we all gotta start somewhere at some point.” Dean smiled gently and stood.

“Let’s just scrap it I guess. Do you know where I can take it?” Cas said defeatedly.

“Don’t worry about it, I know a guy who buys totaled cars for parts. I’ll set up a time for him to come look at it and let you know so you can be here.” Dean shrugged his shoulder and went about tidying his desk.

“Thank you, Dean. How much do I owe you for keeping it here?” Dean waved his hand at the air before sitting back down.

“Nothing. I couldn’t fix it, really didn’t do you any good.”

“Dean, it’s been here for over a month surely there’s some kind of repayment that happens in cases like this?” Cas said with an astonished voice.

“Really Cas, it’s nothing.” Dean looked at Cas, catching sight of the blue eyes. They sat staring at each other for a while before Dean took a deep breath.

“Cas, I’m sorry, what I said was stupid and I’ve regretted it for the past few weeks. I just wish I could take it back.” Cas looked at him for a few moments before looking down at his fiddling thumbs.

“Why did you say it, Dean?” 

“I don’t know, I just thought maybe you would want something more. In an ideal world I could give that to you, but I- I just don’t think I can.” Dean said defeated, his head hung low.

“Dean.. I don’t expect anything from you. I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression otherwise.” Castiel said quietly.

“You didn’t, it’s me. I don’t know man, I just-.” Cas took a sharp breath and cut the stammering man off. He couldn’t handle listening to Dean search for words when he had already said so much.

“I get it Dean. It’s ok, how about we try this again. Friends?” Dean felt a weight lift off his shoulder as he smiled at Cas.

“I like that,” Dean took a deep breath and smiled even wider. “Wanna go to a barbecue?”


	12. Black Hole Sun

Black Hole Sun

Claire made her way to the front door when she heard the doorbell ring. Her dad was in the backyard grilling hotdogs and burgers and making terrible jokes like usual. She cringed when she thought of all the baby stories he was going to tell tonight. 

When she got to the door she swung it open and immediately wanted to close it. What the fuck was Lisa doing here? 

“Hi Claire.” She smiled with that stupid face of hers and spoke in a soft voice. Claire had told her dad multiple times she didn’t care if he started dating again just as long as it wasn’t Lisa. He had always told her not to worry because he was dating his baby. He was weird about his car.

“Hi Lisa.” Claire rolled her eyes and stepped aside, eyeing Ben as he followed behind his mom.

“Gosh you’re getting so big Claire! How have you been?” Claire inwardly groaned as she prepared for the small talk that only a woman interested in her dad could make so boring.

“Yep. 13 now Lisa. Where have you been? We’ve had lots of get togethers lately but I haven’t seen you at any.” Lisa’s smile faltered only slightly before she plastered it back on again.

“I guess I just hadn’t heard about them.” 

“Huh, Dad must have forgot to invite you.” Claire watched with thinly veiled glee as Lisa’s smile melted into a hard line. 

“Hey Lisa.” Claire heard the voice of her dad before she turned around and smiled at him. From the look on his face he hadn’t heard anything thankfully.

“Hi Dean, we brought some potato salad.” Lisa forced a smile and offered the dish to him.

“That’s awesome Lisa, everyone’s out back if you want to head out, we’ll be out there in second.” He smiled and waved her away before turning back and fixing Claire with a stern look.

“Hey Dad, how’s the burgers coming?” Claire asked with the most innocent voice she could muster. 

“Don’t play innocent with me Clairice. I heard what you said to Lisa.” 

“I don’t like her Dad and she likes you!” Claire said quietly as she crossed her arms over her chest in her patented pout. 

“Cut it out Claire. I’ve told you a million times I’m not interested, and even though she is it doesn’t matter. You don’t get to treat people like that to get what you want.” Dean scolded.

“Fine. I’m sorry.” Claire muttered in an obviously still pissed voice.

“Don’t cop that attitude with me girl and you know I’m not the one you need to apologize to.” Claire glared at her Dad before hearing a light tap on the already opened front door. She turned around quickly and turned beet red when she saw Mr. Novak and that new teacher Balthazar. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Cas trailed off before shoving a 24 pack of beer into Dean’s arms awkwardly. Claire looked up at her Dad whose arms were now full and wondered why he was staring at the new guy like he’d seen a ghost.

~

“I figured you never know how much beer you’ll actually need.” Cas shrugged as Dean stared straight past him at Balthazar.

“Hey Winchester, hope it’s not a problem I tagged along.” Balthazar said as Cas stood awkwardly in the doorway.

“Yeah, not a problem at all, I’m glad Cas brought somebody.” Dean smiled at the two and didn’t acknowledge Cas as he turned around and hollered for them to follow him.

Cas walked closely behind Claire as he wondered if it was his intrusion on the talk between father and daughter that had Dean acting weird. He really wasn’t trying to eavesdrop but he found that as he got closer they were arguing over a woman, which seemed odd to Cas. Claire didn’t seem like the type to keep her dad from dating, in fact she had talked about it in the class multiple times, but she obviously had an issue with this woman.

Cas continued to wonder what the issue was until they walked into the backyard. He marveled at the green grass that was cut so perfectly, the trees that were trimmed, there was a shed in the back corner of the large yard that was currently opened as people carried tables and chairs out of it. The deck was large and the grill that sat on it was smoking with whatever food was currently getting cooked. In the middle of the lawn was a large trampoline that he could picture both Dean and Claire getting use out of. 

It was... perfect.

Nothing short of what Cas had expected. Dean obviously took great pride in his home, something that Cas had noticed in the front yard and throughout the house. He could imagine Dean working on his lawn throughout the week, a set day for every activity he performed. 

“Hey Mr. Novak.” Cas looked up and saw who he remembered to be Jess. She looked miserably pregnant as she waddled closer to him with her hand rested on her substantially larger stomach. 

“Please call me Cas.” He smiled at the woman who smiled sweetly back at him.

“Dean told us you were coming today. Are you sure you’re ready to be a part of this crazy?” She laughed gently as she looked towards Balthazar.

“It depends on how crazy we’re talking.” Cas answers solemnly, wondering what exactly she meant.

“Oh Cas is just being a stick in the mud. I’m Balthazar.” He offered his hand to the young woman who accepted it with a smile.

“Jess, I’m married to Dean’s brother Sam.” 

“And which one is he?”

“The tall one carrying chairs over there.” She pointed her husband out to the Brit and waved at him. Sam waved back from the across the yard smiling sweetly.

“I’m guessing you’re expecting?” Balthazar asked with a look of humor. Jess laughed as she nodded and patted her stomach.

“Yeah, due next week, though between you and me I’m hoping to go into labor sooner. Carrying that moose’s child has been a little bit of an adventure.” Jess smiled as Dean walked up to join the conversation.

“Oh that baby is just warning you of how rowdy us Winchester boys can get.” Dean smiled at Jess.

“Well if he’s anything like you I’ve got my work cut out for me.” Jess rolled her eyes and slapped Dean on the shoulder lightly.

Cas smiled as he watched the interaction between them. Dean seemed so carefree surrounded by the people he loved. 

“How do you two know each other?” Jess asked pointing between Balthazar and Cas. The way Dean stiffened didn’t go unnoticed.

“We’re dating.”

“We’re coworkers.” They answered simultaneously. Cas could feel his face turning red as Jess smiled kindly and Dean stared blankly at Balthazar.

“New relationships are always so hard to define.” Jess offered diplomatically. 

“Well, it’s been a bit of a recent thing but I’m always quick to put a name to it.” Balthazar laughed and wrapped his arm around Cas’s waist.

“I have a student here.” Cas muttered in the Brit’s ear so no one could hear, to the naked eye it seemed like he was sharing a private joke.

“Hey Dean, you forgot to introduce me to your new friends.” Cas watched as a brunette woman walked over to where they were standing. She was smiling at Dean and only a fool wouldn’t see that she only cared about him. 

“Lisa, this is Cas and Balthazar.” He said quickly before walking away quickly.

Cas listened only partly as he scanned the people in the yard. He saw Sam, Claire, and Bobby, all people he had already met in some fashion or another, but there were a few that he didn’t recognize. There was a middle aged woman standing next to Bobby with her hand rested lovingly on his shoulder, a young boy with dark hair sitting next to Claire, a bulky man wearing a cap, and a woman with flaming red hair who seemed to be smiling right at him?

Cas realized he wasn’t mistaken when she started waving her hand at him, beckoning him to come towards her. He moved stiffly as he started approaching the woman who was now clapping her hands.

“Are you THE Cas?” She whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Uhh, I don’t know, am I?” Cas answered unsure of what to say.

“Yes! You definitely are. Oh my god, hi I’m Charlie.” She stuck her hand out and shook his eagerly as she smiled insanely at him.

“Is that your boyfriend?” She said smiling towards Balthazar.

“No, we’ve just been on a few dates.”

“Huh, How is Dean taking that?” She asked Cas curiously, the look of innocent curiosity in her eyes showed that it was a serious question. Cas narrowed his eyes at her, wondering what she meant by that and he would answer. Turns out he didn’t have to think too long before Balthazar walked up and let his hand fall on the small of Cas’s back.

“Hey, I’m Charlie.” She smiled and offered her hand. Cas noted the easy way she bounced back to normal conversation. 

“Balthazar.” He offered as he shook her hand. 

“Let me point everyone out to you guys real quick....”

~

Dean watched as Balthazar sat next to Cas, his hand moving to the other man’s leg. He listened as they talked to everyone else about how they worked together and how great it was to have lunch together in the teacher’s lounge. He noticed how Cas practically beamed at everything Balthazar said. He fucking beamed.

Why the hell didn’t Cas tell him about Balthazar? They had just talked earlier that day about what the other man could bring to the barbecue. It had only been three weeks since he’d seen him, how could he have struck up a relationship with that annoying Brit in that time? More importantly though, how could he not tell Dean?!

When Cas had asked if he could bring someone he presumed he would finally get to meet the infamous brother Gabe, not come face to face with that slimy teacher again. Dean watched as Balthazar said something that Benny laughed at, Benny of all people! He didn’t think anyone was funny and here he was acting like Balthy was the funniest person he’d ever met. 

“Hey Dean, do you need some help with the dishes?” He heard Lisa ask as he began gathering all the dishes sitting around the backyard, trying to find something to distract him from watching Cas faun all over the Brit.

“Yeah Lis, that would be great.” He smiled half heartedly as he began to walk inside with Lisa trailing behind him. 

Dean tossed Lisa a drying rag as he began filling the sink with warm water and soap. They worked quietly together for a while. Dean had seen Cas yesterday and apologized to him, they seemed to have worked things out but now he wondered. If Cas didn’t want to tell him about Balthazar then maybe the teacher hadn’t truly forgiven him.

The thought of Cas with the Brit made Dean angry. He couldn’t quite place why, but he just didn’t like that smarmy bastard... Even if he didn’t really know him. 

“What are you thinking about?” Lisa asked gently, placing her hand on Dean’s shoulder. He stood still for a moment before moving slightly so her hand would fall off.

“Work.” Dean lied easily, noticing the rejected look in her face.

“Oh,” she took a deep breath and set the dish that she was working on down. “Dean, can we talk?” Even though it was the absolute last thing he wanted to do, Dean agreed. Grabbing a fresh beer before he led them to the front porch and sat on the steps.

Lisa looked nervous as she kept her eyes on the ground purposefully. He noticed that she clutched onto her own beer as though it were her lifeline. Dean knew what she wanted to talk about, and in another lifetime maybe he would have been flattered, but in this one he was just tired. He thought he had made himself perfectly clear with Lisa, he couldn’t handle a relationship. He wanted friendship from her and nothing more, but it didn’t matter what he said, she just kept persisting. Even if he wanted something more there was no way he could pursue it, not with the way Claire felt about her.

“What are we Dean?” She asked quietly. He felt himself groan inwardly over the conversation he wanted to avoid.

“Lisa... you know we don’t want the same things.” Dean said slowly and watched as Lisa deflated. 

“Oh.” Was the only answer he got. Dean wondered what he had done with Lisa that gave her the impression he had changed his mind. It wasn’t like he went out of his way to spend time with her and they rarely ever touched. It wasn’t like he awkwardly held her hand for too long like he did with Cas. That shit he was asking for, this he wasn’t.

“Lisa, I think you’re great, I really do, but I’ve got a lot of shit going on and I just can’t pursue a relationship right now.” Dean sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“Can’t pursue a relationship or can’t pursue one with me?” She asked quietly.

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” Dean glared at her. 

“Oh please Dean. I know it’s been hard for you, but you can’t feed those lies to me when I see the way you look at that man.” Lisa spat. Dean raised his eyebrows in shock before quickly settling her with a cold stare.

“This has nothing to do with Cas.” Lisa laughed tiredly.

“Dean, you didn’t even have to ask who I was talking about. I think it has a little more to do with him than you’re willing to admit.” 

“You know what? Why the hell am I even talking to you about this? There’s nothing here Lisa. Never has been and never will be, the sooner you accept that the better.” Dean said quickly standing up and turning around, stopping short when he saw Claire staring at him through the glass door with a smirk on her face that screamed I told you so.

Dean sighed and walked through the door with Claire hot on his heels. She followed him closely as he made his way through the house towards the backyard. When they got to the door that would lead them to their destination, Dean turned quickly towards his daughter and fixed her with his best dad face.

“Not a damn word.”

“Sir, yes sir.” Dean laughed as he watched Claire salute him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the kudos and comments - I really appreciate it! The slow build is almost over!


	13. Brown Sugar

Brown Sugar

“Bitches!” Cas flinched as Charlie ran towards he and Balthazar wrapping them both in a hug.

“Happy birthday Charlie.” Cas smiled and laughed at the already slightly intoxicated birthday girl. He found that he made a few friends at Dean’s barbecue and was told that he would be hunted down and kidnapped if he didn’t show up at The Roadhouse the next weekend for Charlie’s party. 

Cas scanned the bar and saw a round table filled with empty shot glasses and half drank beers. Dean, Benny, Sam and Jess sat around the table. Jess looked more miserable than she had a week ago if that was at all possible. He noted that there was one girl he didn’t recognize but didn’t think much of it. 

“Come on guys, it’s about to get weird up in this bitch!” Charlie exclaimed as she ran back towards the table and sat so close to Dean she was practically on his lap. When they approached the table he had his head thrown back laughing at something Jess had just mumbled about the giant baby in her stomach.

“Guys! Cas and Balthy made it.” Charlie announced to the table earning a groan from Dean. Cas looked at the man wondering when he had told Charlie about the nick name. For his part, Balthazar just smiled and slid in next to Sam.

“Well with the threat of kidnapping, how could they turn you down?” Dean smiled as he shoved Charlie away from him. 

“Shut up Dean, they fucking love me.” She pouted as she picked up a random beer and began drinking from it. Dean smiled and threw his arm around her shoulders pulling her into an easy hug which Charlie fought against for all of two seconds before laughing with him.

“I don’t think I know anyone who doesn’t love you, except maybe Meg over there.” Dean winked at the girl that Cas didn’t recognize who in turn flipped him off. 

“You two need to get on their levels.” Jess rolled her eyes as she pointed towards Dean and Charlie who were now arguing over D and D very animatedly. 

“Yeah you do, what’ll you have?” Dean asked excitedly as Charlie moved so he could stand up.

“Whiskey nest please.” Cas said as Dean waited excitedly to hear their orders.

“I’ll just have a rum and coke thank you.” Balthazar answered as he placed his arm around Cas’s shoulder.

“Ooo, Dean, Dean! Get me a drink with an umbrella please.” Charlie asked animatedly as she bounced in her seat. 

“I’ll help you.” Cas volunteered as he slid out of his seat and walked with Dean to the bar. He could feel the mechanic buzzing with alcohol induced excitement as he went to the bar and ordered what everyone had asked for plus three beers for him, Sam, and Benny. As they waited Dean turned towards Cas and smiled.

“So you and Balthy huh?” He asked with a curious tone.

“Yeah, it’s just been a few weeks but I figured I’d give it a try.” Cas shrugged and looked down at his hands. 

“And how’s the try going?” 

“Good so far.” Cas looked up just in time to see the carefully schooled smile falter for a moment before it was back on Dean’s face.

“Good for you man, it must be nice not having to hang around with a middle aged father and his daughter all the time.” Dean laughed lightly, though Cas could hear what sounded like disappointment in the man’s voice.

“I actually find that that’s the best company to keep.” Cas smiled and watched as Dean’s face lit up. Before they could talk more their drinks were placed down for them to grab. 

Cas dug in his pockets before Dean waved him off and told the bar tender to put it on his tab. They spent the whole walk back to the table arguing over whether or not Cas owed him money.

When they came back to the table, they dispersed the drinks evenly before falling into conversation again. Cas found himself enamored with Jess telling stories of her and Sam back in their Stanford days. She had graduated with her RN while Sam pursued law. He could tell from how they talked that they were very driven individuals who wanted the most in life. 

Balthazar spoke with Meg while Dean, Charlie, and Benny talked about some plans to go fishing in a couple weeks. As they continued talking the drinks kept coming. When Cas checked his phone the next time he was shocked to see that two hours had already passed. It was shortly after that that Jess put her foot down and told Sam that if he didn’t leave with her she was going to put arsenic in his meals for the next month. They waved happily as they left the bar.

“Oh you guys! We should karaoke!” Charlie exclaimed to the groans of everyone else around the table. 

“Charlie, we talked about this. I don’t care how old you are I’m not singing karaoke.” Dean grumbled as Charlie drummed his back repeatedly.

“Yes you are Dean Winchester! You need to bless us with your voice!” She said excitedly as Meg laughed.

“Come on big boy, I’ll sing if you do.” Meg smiled and Charlie screamed with glee.

“Yes! Let’s go Meg.” Charlie shouted as she ran off towards the man who was running karaoke. The two women walked over and began going through the songs.

“That’s my cue to duck out brother. Do you have a ride?” Benny asked Dean as he stood to leave.

“Calling a cab, thanks for coming out man.” Dean stood to hug the other man.

“Yeah well, who can resist Charlie’s annoying charm.” Benny laughed as he walked away towards Charlie.

The three sat awkwardly at the table. Cas noticed that Dean was picking at the label of his beer nervously.

“Where’s Claire tonight?” Cas asked, trying to give Dean an out. The mechanic smiled and took a pull of his drink.

“She’s at Bobby and Ellen’s. Wouldn’t quit talking about how she knew that Jess was going to go into labor tonight surrounded by drunken fools. Gotta say I wouldn’t have been surprised.” Dean shrugged and laughed.

“Are Bobby and Ellen your parents?” Balthazar asked curiously.

“Kinda, Bobby raised me but Ellen is Jo’s mom. We kinda met because of them.” Dean shrugged and took another drink.

“How interesting, so he’s basically your father and father in law?” 

“Yeah, pretty much. Spent most of our time with him when we were growing up. Dad was always out on some bender or another after Mom died.” Dean shrugged as Charlie ran up to him and sat down. 

Cas listened only partway to the conversation as he began wondering about Dean’s life. He knew about his mom and dad, but he wanted to know more. He wanted to know everything and Cas knew that was dangerous. 

“Dean Winchester.” Came the voice of the DJ. Charlie clapped her hands and cheered as he walked up. Soon the chords of some classic rock song began filling the bar as people turned towards Dean.

“Don’t worry, he’s really fucking good.” Charlie said as she ran off towards Meg again.

“Are you having a good time?” Balthazar leaned in close so that Cas could hear him. 

“Yeah, I’m glad we came.” Cas smiled up at Balthazar right when he heard Dean belt out his first word. His voice sent shivers down Cas’s spine as he listened to him croon about a woman taking all his money. Holy shit the guy could sing! 

Before Cas realized, Balthazar had leaned in for a kiss. His lips landed awkwardly on Cas’s as his hands wrapped around his waist. Cas found himself sitting still for a moment before pulling away and staring at Balthazar with a shocked look in his eyes.

“Let’s say we get a cab and get the fuck out of here, I want to take you home.” Balthazar whispered as he began nosing at Cas’s neck. 

“No, you know how I feel.” Cas pushed against Balthazar who went back easily.

“C’mon Cas, you know I want you. I know you want me, let’s quit fucking around.” He growled as he moved slightly closer to Cas.

“I’m not fucking around Balthazar.” Cas glared as he slapped the other man’s hand away as it went to latch into his hair.

“You’re being a tease is what you’re doing.”

“Hey, is there a fucking problem here?” Cas looked up and saw Meg glaring down at Balthazar, a look of murder on her eyes.

“Not a problem at all.” Balthazar held his hands up and moved away from Cas.

“Last time I checked when someone doesn’t take no for an answer it’s a problem.” Meg said crossing her arms.

“We were just getting ready to leave is all, right Cas?” Balthazar looked at Cas expectantly while Meg glared daggers into the Brit.

“I want to stay.” Cas said as he looked down at his fidgeting hands.

“Well looks like you can go home by yourself, dick.” Meg said before offering her hand to Cas. He thought for just a split moment before taking it and standing up.

“Hope you can find a ride Cas.” Balthazar snarled and glared at the two.

“I can take care of myself Balthazar.” He said solemnly before he heard the ending notes of Dean singing.

~

Dean smiled to the people cheering, but he truly just wanted to punch someone or something. Cas had been all over Balthazar. Dean had to turn away after the kiss or he ran the risk of going after the Brit in the middle of his song. The thought of them kissing was bad enough but actually seeing it made it that much worse. 

He hated thinking that the Brit got to touch Cas in a way Dean didn’t. Got to hold him when he was tired from a long day. Got to take care of him in a way that Dean wanted to. He just wanted Cas to come home to him, he wanted to cook for him and tell him about his day. Fucking Balthazar got to do that instead. 

He was seeing red when he got off the stage and the sight of Charlie, Cas, and Meg standing in a circle didn’t make it much better. They were talking about something that Dean could barely hear before he walked up and noticed the look on Cas’s face. He looked pissed. If Dean wasn’t so worried about seeing that look in his face he might be turned on.

“Fucking bozo took off.” Charlie said as she clung to Meg’s side.

“What? Why?” Dean asked looking at the three of them in turn.

“Didn’t you see him? He kept trying to grab at Cas when he didn’t want him to. I had to go get him to back off.” Meg said in her token annoyed voice. Dean listened as Cas tried to tell them it really wasn’t that bad but he couldn’t hear him over the ringing in his ears. 

“Where the fuck is he?” Dean asked as he headed towards the door in search of him. How could he not have noticed? He was so caught up in his jealousy that he didn’t even pay attention to the fact that Cas might have needed help. Thankfully Meg noticed because Dean was too busy being a child.

He walked into the cool night air and searched the parking lot. He could hear someone trying to talk to him but all he wanted to do was punch Balthazar and make him feel sorry. 

It wasn’t until he felt the warm hand on his shoulder that he spun around and saw that it had been Cas trying to get his attention the whole time. He looked at Dean with wide blue eyes that told him he needed to stop for at least a moment.

“Dean. I’m fine, but I want to go. Please, can you come with me?” Cas asked gently. 

“You’re not staying the night alone with that dick walking around.” Dean said with anger lacing his voice. 

“Fine, that’s fine. I can stay with Charlie, but I think we should all go.” 

“Cas, I can’t. I can’t let you out of my sight right now. I won’t be able to fucking sleep.” He answered, his voice shaking as he rubbed his eyes. He couldn’t explain it, didn’t know why he felt it, but he had to protect Cas.

“Ok, alright, I can sleep at yours. Can we please go now?” Dean stared at Cas for a second before nodding his head and going back into the bar to grab his jacket and call a cab.

The ride home was quiet. Charlie and Meg sat in the back of van doing god knows what as Dean stared out the window. When they finally got to his house he wished Charlie a quick happy birthday and walked by Cas to the front door. If the other man noticed that Dean had his arm wrapped around his waist possessively he kindly didn’t say anything. 

When they got inside Cas excused himself to the restroom as Dean went into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. It was 12:30 but he needed to do something with his hands and he was close to the coffee pot.

He still couldn’t believe that Balthazar had done that without him noticing. How the fuck did he let that happen? He was still considering this as Cas walked quietly back into the kitchen. 

~

Cas watched for a few a seconds as Dean held the coffee pot under the tap. From the looks of it the water had be flowing out of the pot for a while. He walked up to the other man and grabbed his arm before moving it gently to sit the pot in the sink and turned off the tap.

Dean turned towards him, his eyes filled with tears that Cas didn’t quite understand. He knew that the mechanic was pissed, and he understood why, but surely he knew that Cas could take care of himself? 

“Dean, it’s ok. I’m ok.” He said quietly so as not to spook the man.

“I know you’re ok Cas, but what he did. That’s not ok.” Dean’s voice shook with anger. 

“I’m not saying it is, but I’m ok and that’s what matters.” Cas said as he began wringing his hands. He felt the warmth of Dean’s hands as he encased Cas’s with his own.

“What if you weren’t, though, Cas? What if he hurt you and I didn’t even know? I wasn’t there and I should have been. Shouldn’t have left you alone with him like I did. God, what was I thinking?” Dean answered as he brought his hands up to his hair and turned quickly. Cas thought briefly about Jo and how helpless Dean must have felt when he couldn’t do anything to protect her. He knew that the situation was different, but he couldn’t help but wonder if the reaction had something to do with it. 

Cas placed one hand on Dean’s shoulder. The other man stiffened before letting his arms fall to the side and his head drop down.

“I promise I can take care of myself, Dean. He wouldn’t have been able to do anything to me because I wouldn’t have allowed it. Even if Meg hadn’t stepped in, nothing would have happened.” Cas whispered as he felt Dean shudder. The mechanic reached up and laid his hand on top of Cas’s, holding it in place.

“I should have put a stop to it, not Meg. I just couldn’t look at you guys. I saw you kissing the first time and I looked away. If I hadn’t fucking looked away I could have stopped it.” 

“Dean, I’m ok, look at me,” Cas walked around so he was facing Dean. “I’m ok. I’m fine. I’m right here in front of you and I’m ok.” Cas cupped Dean’s jaw with his free hand, the other man nuzzled into the touch. 

“I don’t know what I would have done if he hurt you. I would kill him Cas, I would make sure he was dead.” Dean whispered as he looked straight into Cas’s eyes.

“Why did you have to look away?” Cas asked after a few minutes of silence. Dean’s breathing, which had calmed momentarily, began speeding up again as he raised his own hands to Cas’s face. One hand cupped his cheek while the other cupped his jaw, his thumb moving back and forth slowly on his cheek bone. 

“I can’t... I can’t watch that Cas. I can’t watch you be with someone else. It hurts too much.” Dean said quietly as he leaned in closer to Cas. 

Cas let his hand drop from Dean’s cheek as his breathing became labored. He only hoped that Dean meant what Cas thought he did, even though he knew it was absurd. He loved Dean. He knew he shouldn’t, but he wanted him so badly, and he didn’t know how much longer he could last without his feelings being reciprocated.

“Oh Cas... I need you. I want you. I can’t help it anymore.” Dean whispered as he held Cas’s face and closed the distance left. His lips were feather soft as he brushed them timidly against Cas’s at first. When Cas wrapped his arm around Dean’s shoulder, though, he deepened the kiss. 

He felt Dean’s arm snake around his hips pulling him closer as the other sank into his hair. Their lips moved in tandem as Dean backed him against the counter. The soft moan that escaped Cas’s mouth when Dean ran his tongue along his lips allowed the other man the access he had been searching for. He felt Dean’s tongue thrust against his own as they battled for dominance, their heavy breathing echoing throughout the room.

Cas balled his hand into Dean’s shirt as he began grinding his growing bulge against his thigh. It wasn’t until Dean placed his hand on Cas’s ass and started rubbing their dicks together that Cas threw his back and gasped, sparks of pleasure shooting through his body. 

“Oh Cas. I need you so bad.” Dean whispered as he kissed and nipped at Cas’s neck.

“Need... you too.” Cas barely got out as he felt teeth and tongue at his jawline. 

“Tell me, please tell how much you need me.” Dean demanded as he pulled at the hem of Cas’s shirt exposing his chest just enough for the mechanic to latch onto the skin.

“I need you like I need air Dean.” Cas said. He noticed Dean stopped and looked him in the eyes with an awe filled look. He looked so amazed that Cas was in front of him, when in all actuality it was the other way around.

“Will you come with me?” Dean asked quietly, his relief evident when Cas nodded. 

Dean grabbed his hand and began leading him out of the kitchen.

~

Dean thought briefly about going into the guest room before he lead Cas into his bedroom. When they walked in Dean flipped on the light and watched as Cas looked around. He knew that inevitably Cas would end up looking at the framed pictures sitting on Dean’s dresser.

He stood still and held his breath as he watched Cas touch the frames reverently. He was so quiet as he studied each picture, spending a little bit longer on the one of Jo and Claire then he did the others. He picked that picture up and stared at it like it was going to somehow come to life. He finally put it back after what felt like a lifetime and turned back towards Dean. Cas smiled slightly and sighed before moving closer to Dean.

“She was beautiful.” Cas whispered, looking at the ground. Dean smiled, though the other man couldn’t see it, and grabbed Cas’s hands that were inevitably being wrung together.

“Yeah, she was,” Dean whispered back before pulling Cas against him. He buried his nose in Cas’s neck and took a deep breath, letting the man’s cologne wash over his senses. He smelled like home. “Most others pale in comparison,” Dean looked up into Cas’s eyes and kissed him gently before pulling away again. “But you, Cas, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve seen in a long time.” Dean smiled and rested his hands on Cas’s hips.

Dean wondered only briefly why this wasn’t freaking him out. The thought of being with someone other than Jo used to result in heart ache and panic attacks, but here in this room with Cas he felt nothing but calm. It almost felt like Cas belonged.

“I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret in the morning.” Cas whispered as he looked away. 

“Hey,” Dean grabbed Cas’s chin and gently moved his face so he was looking at him. “I could never regret you.” He said before moving closer and kissing Cas again. 

It started out gentle but eventually Cas’s body relaxed and Dean began moving them towards his bed. Cas wound his arms around Dean’s neck and threaded his finger through the mechanic’s hair.

When Cas’s knees hit the back of the bed Dean pulled away slightly and stared into his eyes. 

“Is this what you want?” Dean asked sincerely as he continued to seek all the answers through Cas’s eyes. 

“It’s what I’ve wanted.” Cas said simply before Dean began kissing him with more vigor. It was all tongue and teeth and excitement, the anticipation killing Dean as he laid Cas on the bed and slotted himself between the teacher’s legs. Dean’s arms framed Cas’s face as he began to grind down.

“So beautiful Cas. So fucking perfect.” Dean continued to ramble as he pulled his own shirt off and threw it to the side before working on Cas’s. 

Dean’s breath caught as he looked upon Cas’s bare chest. He didn’t know quite what he expected but it wasn’t this. Cas was lithely toned, the strong muscles throughout his upper half were slim but very much present. Dean ran his hands along Cas’s chest while the teacher covered his face with both arms, red the prominent color on his face. 

Dean knelt and placed a gentle kiss on Cas’s heart before gently prying his arms away from his face. He smiled sweetly down at Cas before going in for another gentle kiss.

“Please, don’t hide from me.” Dean whispered. Cas nodded wordlessly and sought out the comfort of Dean’s lips.

~

Cas let Dean control the kiss while he ran his hands along the mechanic’s toned back. The glimpse that he had of Dean’s chest told Cas that he definitely didn’t have a “dad bod” as the kids would say. He slid his hands underneath the waist of Dean’s jeans before squeezing his ass. The moan that followed sent a thrill straight to Cas’s dick.

Dean lowered his head, trailing kisses down Cas’s neck to his chest. Cas moaned loudly when Dean bit his nipple hard before soothing it with his tongue. He did the same to the other before moving down.

Cas squirmed at the sensation of Dean’s lips lightly moving down his abdomen. The touch was barely there and it was driving him crazy. He balled his fists into the comforter as he felt the other man nose at his dick through his pants.

“We need to get these off now.” Dean said hurriedly as he began unzipping Cas’s jeans. Before he could think to help, Cas was completely naked laying in front of Dean.

Cas noticed the air that Dean sucked in as he took in the naked body beneath him. The only thing stopping Cas from hiding his face again was the comforter still tightly gripped in his hands. 

“You’re so perfect.” Dean whispered as he looked on reverently. 

“Dean.. please, I need you.” Cas said. That was all it took to snap Dean out of his trance. He made quick work of his own jeans and leaned over Cas towards the night stand.

Cas watched as Dean tossed a bottle of lube on the pillows followed by a condom. When he came back he settled down and pressed his lips hungrily to Cas’s.

Cas kissed back greedily as he began moving his hips so their dicks were sliding together. The litany of moans of curses would have made the teacher blush if he had been with anyone else, with Dean he didn’t even care.

“How do you want me Cas?” Dean whispered into Cas’s ear as he bit his ear lobe.

“In me.” Cas whimpered as he writhed against the other man. Dean shivered as he grabbed the lube and spread it over his fingers. 

He fingered gently at Cas’s hole before pushing one in and bending down to capture Cas’s lips in a searing kiss at the same time. Before long he had three fingers in stretching Cas out and rubbing along his prostate at the same time. 

“Please Dean.” Cas moaned, delirious with pleasure. When he felt Dean’s fingers leaving he whimpered at the loss but enjoyed watching the other man roll a condom onto his thick dick. 

Dean rubbed his dick to spread some lube on it. Cas started to roll over before he felt the other man’s hand on his shoulder.

“Need to see you.” Dean muttered as he lined and began pushing in. It felt like it took hours for him to push all the way in, but when he did Cas gasped at feeling.

He was finally full of the one person he’d wanted for so long. They fit perfectly as Dean began to set a slow but steady pace. It was gentle and loving, coupled with Dean’s eyes holding Cas’s, the teacher found himself crying. Any tear that slipped out was kissed away.

“Fuck. You feel so good.” Dean moaned, Cas hummed in agreement as he wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. 

Dean’s hand went down to grab Cas’s dick as they kissed each other fervently while chasing the fleeting feeling in their stomachs.

“‘M gonna cum.” Cas barely got out before he felt his cum shoot onto his chest. Dean began pounding harder, spreading the white cream out on both of their chests as he came to his climax.

“Oh fuck. Cas.” He moaned in a strangled voice as he shot into the condom.

They lay twined together, Cas legs wrapped around Dean’s hips and his arms twined around his neck. Dean peppered Cas’s face with kisses and whispered sweet nothings as they came down from their high.

“Babe, I hate to break the moment but we’re sticky.” Dean smiled and slowly pulled out. Cas pouted at the loss. 

Cas watched Dean as he walked to the bathroom naked with thinly veiled appreciation. When he returned to the bed he had already cleaned himself up but brought a warm washcloth and began cleaning Cas gently.

“You’re so perfect.” Dean smiled as he appraised Cas again.

“You’re pretty perfect too.” Cas whispered back.

“Please tell me you like to cuddle.” Dean laughed as Cas nodded eagerly and laid himself across the other man’s body.

“Mmmm. I could get used to this.” Dean murmured before wrapping his arms around Cas.

They talked for hours before they drifted into a deep sleep.

~

“I slept with him Charlie.” Dean said as he flushed the toilet.

“First off, eww. Don’t call me when you’re taking a dump. Second off, it’s about fucking time you manned up Winchester.” Dean smiled at his friend’s choice of words.

“Charlie, I love him. I know I’ve fought it, but I can’t anymore. I’m just worried about Claire.” Dean said as he sat on the edge of his bath tub and rubbed his eyes.

“You know, I think Claire would just like to see you happy. It may be hard at first, but she’ll be good with it.” 

“Yeah.. I hope you’re right. I just hope he doesn’t regret it this morning.” Dean continued talking to Charlie not knowing that Cas had walked up to the door and heard the four words he prayed Dean wouldn’t say.

Regret it this morning.


	14. White Flag

White Flag

The cold wind whipped against Dean’s skin as he stood wrapped in a jacket, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He stared at the large head stone as though it would have all the answers for him instead of just the day Jo was born and the day she passed away. 

He visited the haunting grounds at least once a week. Dean found early on that making sure the daunting headstone was picked up and tidy made him feel like he was still connected to her. About two years ago an unnamed donor had paid to put a cement bench by the headstone so people could sit and think near it. He knew that the unnamed donor went by the name of Ellen, but he wasn’t going to call her on it. 

It had only been a couple of days since Dean had seen Cas. He was oddly shocked to find that he missed the man as much as he did. After countless of calls, texts, and even knocks on Cas’s apartment door that went unanswered, Dean got tired. 

He wondered if it was for the best? Maybe it was a sign that Claire wasn’t ready for him to be with someone else. Maybe he wasn’t ready. If he was being honest with himself, though, Dean was devastated.

He wanted so badly for Cas to call him back, just give him an explanation of what had the teacher taking off so quickly in the morning. Dean had to know what he did or didn’t do to cause the reaction. At this rate he presumed he would never know, though, and there was a part of him that felt defeated. 

He had finally looked towards the future, the one he could spend with someone else without feeling guilty. Dean felt hope, only to have it taken away from him so rapidly.

Yet, even though he was tired, there was still a part of him that told him to fight. That he needed to do this for himself. That Dean needed to show Cas how much he meant, he just didn’t know how.

He supposed that’s how he ended up at Jo’s head stone, seeking answers to questions that she would understand. Dean had jumped in the Impala with the intent of picking up lunch on his break but found himself at the cemetery instead. 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there, but it must have been a while if Ellen’s approaching truck had anything to do with it. The door opening and closing echoed throughout the quiet yard. Dean kept his eyes focused on the ground as he heard her footsteps get closer.

“Thought I might find you here.” Ellen said as she came up next to him. She stood so close that their shoulders bumped each other. Dean smiled at her before returning his attention to the headstone.

“Can’t believe Jess finally had her baby.” Ellen spoke calmly as she watched Dean’s face.

“Yeah, I think she was ready.” Dean laughed as he thought of Sam calling him the day that Cas left. Jess had gone into labor and while she was singing with joy in the background, Sam was panicking. Sometimes Dean could still see glimpses of the little boy he looked after.

“Oh she was. Names fitting too.” Dean nodded not knowing what to say. When Sam told him that they were naming their little boy Robert Dean Winchester, after the two men who raised him, he was shocked to silence. Bobby had smiled and hugged the new parents while Dean just tried to hide the fact that he was trying not to cry. 

“Do you wonder why they named him after you,” Ellen asked and smiled slightly when she saw Dean nodding his head. “Well I don’t. You’re the most selfless man I’ve ever met. I always thought it was a blessing that Jo found someone so caring.” She reached down and grabbed Dean’s hand, squeezing it lightly before turning it over so they could both see it.

“These hands are the hands of a man who puts others before him even if it means he will get the bitter end of the deal. A man who has raised a courageous young woman who knows exactly who she is. A man who loved a woman so deeply that even in her death, he can’t bear the idea of moving on.” Dean turned to Ellen and began speaking before she cut him off with a look.

“You were so good to her Dean, and good for her. She lived a fairytale with you. A man who loved deeply and unconditionally, and in a world where people leave their whole lives behind for the person who gives them color that means a lot.” 

“What are you talking about Ellen?” Dean mumbled as he watched his mother in law’s eyes fill with tears.

“Oh honey, I know she wasn’t your match. I didn’t see it at first, but I did eventually. The way she explained things to you, it just never made sense, but then I remembered it was how I explained things to her before. She told me, after a while. She had just found out she was pregnant, actually. Came over and sat at the table crying. 

“You see, Jo had a theory, one that she was terrified of but she believed whole heartedly anyways. She knew that you were her match, but she wasn’t yours. She figured that she was your match for then, but later on in life someone would come along and be yours when she was gone. 

“She told me that if something were ever to happen to her, you would need something as big as a burst of vibrant colors to let you know it was time to move forward. So yes, she knew you would never leave her, but she also knew that she would be taken from you.” Ellen said silently, tears slipping down her face. 

Dean stared at her for what felt like an eternity. He felt a sharp tug in his chest knowing that Jo had always felt this way, that she never told him. He could have offered her comfort, but then again he supposed that’s not what she was seeking.

“Dean, Jo accepted long before she passed that she was going to die young. I never thought it would happen, but I guess her intuition turned out to be better than mine. She never would have wanted for you to live your life like she was going to come home at the end of the day when there was no way she could,” Ellen moved so she was standing in front of Dean and placed her hands on the sides of his face. “Now you listen to me Dean. It’s time for you to move forward.” 

It was eerily silent as Ellen held Dean’s gaze. They stood for moments before a sob retched it’s way out of his chest, she pulled him in for hug and held him closely as he cried on shoulder.

“You’re a good man, Dean, and a great dad. You deserve to be happy with whoever you want to be happy with.” She whispered as he continued crying.

“I... love her so much.” He got out in between sobs.

“I know, baby, moving on doesn’t mean you stop loving her. You can love her while loving him at the same time,” Dean pulled away to look at Ellen, she had a knowing smile on her face. “You wear all your emotions on your face.” She laughed and patted his back before turning to face Jo’s head stone.

“I don’t know Ellen. I worry about it. What about Claire? How’s she going to handle a potential relationship for me? Not only that, but it’s with her teacher. Not that it really matters, I must have fucked something up cause he won’t talk to me.” Dean kicked his boot at the ground restlessly. 

“Well, let’s see here, Claire will be fine, you will make sure if it. She might not be over the moon about it right off the bat, but she’ll get there,” Ellen smiled when she thought of her granddaughter. She knew that the girl would be happy for her dad, it would just take some getting used to. “Also, I remember a time when my daughter told you no at first, and look at what happened with that.” 

“This is different. With Jo I was young and cocky.” Dean laughed as he thought of his relentless pursuit of his wife. He never understood why she finally gave in.

“Well now you can be old and confident. You can’t just give up, Dean. You’ll regret it.” 

~

“Cassy! What are you up to?” 

“This isn’t a good time Gabe.” Cas mumbled as he held the phone up to his ear. His brother had called him 15 times in the last 5 minutes and was probably not going to take the hint anytime soon, so Cas had decided to tell him directly.

“Yeah, about that.. I don’t care.” Cas could practically see the annoying smile plastered across Gabe’s face.

“What do you want?” He spat quickly.

“Just to know what has you being a miserable ass?” 

Cas groaned miserably as he rolled into his side. He knew that Gabe wouldn’t understand and why should he? Kali had never rejected Gabe, she’d just accepted him for the freak he was. Cas seemed to be the only one with horrible luck.

“Do I need to kill a certain Winchester?” Gabe asked suddenly, his voice serious.

“No, no. I just thought we wanted the same things but we didn’t.” Cas answered still sulking.

“What happened Cas?” He thought briefly of telling his older brother he was fine and not to worry before spilling his guts. He sobbed as he told Gabe about the night they’d shared and how gentle Dean had been, much to his older brother’s disgust. Cas rambled on about how they had talked about everything, including Cas’s insecurities about relationships and how Dean had said he’d never have to be insecure around him, and even though Cas had laughed and told him he was too sappy he had actually felt secure. Then Cas mentioned the call and what he had heard Dean say. Once he got to the end the line was so quiet that he held his phone out to make sure they hadn’t disconnected at some point, but the call was still showing.

“Gabe?” Cas asked with an annoyed voice.

“Yeah, yeah little brother, still here just trying to think of how to say this,” Cas could hear Gabe’s sigh through the phone. “And there’s really no polite way to say it so I’m just going to come out with it. Get off you ass and go talk to the man.” Gabe emphasized every word on his last sentence.

“Did you not hear a thing I just said?” Cas yelled into the phone.

“Yeah I did, I don’t think you hear a thing you’re saying though. You went from not talking to the man at all, never making it known what you wanted from him to banging him. You talked to him about your needs and wants, he talked to you about his. Then you eavesdropped on a conversation you didn’t even fully hear! Quit playing patty cake and talk to the man, Cas!”

“He said he regretted it, Gabe! I’m humiliated.” Cas said angrily, why wasn’t Gabe understanding what he said? He was the one who pushed him to talk and now he was acting like Cas was an idiot.

“No Cas, that’s what you think he said. You have no clue what he was talking about. He could have been talking about a million other things. Did you ever stop to think about that? Look, you do what you want, and this is all I’m going to say. Dean is a father, so match or not, he’s not going to play these games with you forever. Work it out or leave it.” The call went silent when Gabe hung up.

~

“Grand romantic gesture my ass.” Dean muttered as he turned the Impala off and got out. He stopped and gazed at the house he was about to go to. It was a big thing, at least two stories with the white picket fence to boot. He hadn’t expected Cas’s ex to be so well off.

He had talked to Claire before he took off. She seemed to be a little shaken at the idea of her Dad dating but became somewhat more relaxed when she found out it was Cas that he was pursuing. He hadn’t expected her to tell him that she saw it coming but she surprised him every day, so why would this day be any different? 

Claire had said she was worried, it had been just the two of them for a long time and she wasn’t sure how to handle sharing her dad. Dean had reassured her that she would always come first and if she ever felt like she was on the back burner, to tell him. They both knew she would never have to. 

When he left she had settled down quite a bit. On his way out though she yelled at him to have fun making his grand romantic gesture. Which, of course, only aided in his embarrassment of what he was about to do.

Nonetheless, he found himself knocking on the giant front door. Dean noted how clean the house was on the outside and thought momentarily of asking the man what fertilizer he used before remembering he needed to bring his a game. He didn’t know what was on the other side of that door after all, so he had to be prepared.

When the door finally opened there was a small man on the other side peering at him curiously. The kid looked like a dork. Dean didn’t remember Cas mentioning Alfie had a son.

“Hello?” He asked, still watching Dean with questioning eyes.

“Hey man, is your dad around?” Dean asked, trying to skip the pleasantries and get straight to business.

“No.. my dad lives in Oklahoma. Who are you?” The boy answered questioningly.

“Aw fuck, I mean shit, sorry,” Dean held his hands up in front of him before sighing and dropping them again. “I’m Dean, thought I got the right info on your dad, I’m a friend of one of his old friends.” He answered easily while trying to hide the disappointment.

“You are? Which friend?” 

“Oh, uh, Cas- Castiel Novak.” The boy’s face fell when he heard the name and he stepped out onto the porch, shutting the door behind him.

“You know Castiel? How is he?” He asked hurriedly as he looked around.

“He’s fine man, just living his life.” Dean answered suspiciously.

“Oh good, I’ve been worried about him lately with the wedding coming up. I would just hate to think he was in a bad spot.” He said while looking everywhere but at Dean.

“Yeah... so your dad’s getting married to his match then?” Dean said conversationally, he really wanted to leave but with the way this kid was acting like he’d just seen a ghost he thought it better to make sure he was ok.

“Oh no, no, no. I’m getting married.” Dean stared at him with a scrutinizing glare before realization dawned on him.

“Wait a minute. Are you Alfie?” He asked with disbelief only made stronger when the boy began nodding his head. Dean couldn’t help the laughter that barely escaped his lips before covering his mouth with one of his hands.

“What’s so funny?” Alfie snapped, clearly annoyed.

“Nothing man.. I just, you’re not what I expected.” Dean said as he finally gained composure.

“What do you want?” 

“Calm down man, I’m sorry,” Dean said as he stared at the man. He wasn’t quite able to comprehend how this man standing in front of him was the same one Cas had told him about, but hey, to each their own. “Look, I just came for the dog.”

~

Cas stared at his phone. He had more missed calls and text messages from Dean then he wanted to count. They all said something along the same lines. Apologizing for whatever he did wrong, asking Cas to talk to him. They were all the same, and yet each one of them hurt Cas just a little more.

What had he done? Cas felt the despair sink as he thought of how he ran out without even talking to Dean. The man had just spent the night before confessing all of his fears to Cas only to have them played out in the morning. 

Cas felt stupid.

After Gabe had yelled him, he was angry, but that anger soon faded to him thinking and Cas didn’t like the outcome. He had just left Dean high and dry, and even though he felt justified at the time he realized he had acted out of his own insecurities. 

What if Dean wasn’t talking about him? Cas had just abandoned him without even thinking twice. 

He didn’t think twice before dialing Dean’s number. Cas didn’t know what the outcome was going to be, but he had to get something out of this, even if it was just closure.

It took a few moments before the call to be connected. Cas held his breath as he waited for Dean to answer, but was sorely disappointed when he heard the start of Dean’s voicemail.

Cas stood and grabbed the keys to his apartment, if he wasn’t going to answer his phone then Cas would go knock on his door until he answered.

As he started going to the door there was a knock. Groaning in irritation he yanked open the door.

“What?” He snapped before looking into Dean’s green eyes.

“Oh, wow... Didn’t think you’d actually answer.” Dean mumbled as his face turned red.

“Dean.” Cas said before grabbing the man’s shoulder and pulling him inside. Once standing far enough in, Cas closed the door and moved in front of him so he could see Dean’s face.

The man looked like shit. The bags under his eyes were puffy and dark, his hair disheveled like he had been pulling it. Cas couldn’t resist the urge to reach out and run his knuckles along Dean’s stubble. 

He watched in amazement as Dean closed his eyes, a sigh of relief escaping his lips as he nuzzled into Cas’s touch. 

“We need to talk.” Cas said regretfully, pulling his hand away. Dean’s eyes snapped open and he nodded silently. 

“I don’t know what happened, Cas, but I want to so I can try to fix it.” Dean said, his voice vibrating in Cas’s bones.

Suddenly Cas felt self conscious. He was about to admit to Dean that he had listened in on a private conversation. He wasn’t sure how the other man would react.

“I... I heard you talking.. that morning.” Cas said looking everywhere but at Dean. 

“Ok.” Dean said slowly, clearly wanting more.

“I heard you say something about regretting it in the morning.” Cas whispered as he met Dean’s eyes. 

Dean stood with a confused look on his face as he tried to recall the conversation. Cas realized now how much he wanted him to deny it, to say that it didn’t happen. If Dean would only say that, Cas could put it away and forget it.

“I’m not sure - I know I was talking to Charlie about how Claire was going to react to this,” Dean waved his hand in between the two of them. “She told me it was going to be ok, but I never said I regretted it Cas. I would never say that because it’s just not true.” Dean said with an unwavering tone as he looked at Cas.

“There’s just so much, Dean. So much hurt between the both of us.” Cas said, not knowing exactly where it came from.

“Yeah, you’re right Cas, but there’s also a lot of good. A lot of happiness and if you would let me, I want to spend my damn life proving it.” Dean’s eyes were big as he begged Cas. 

Cas wasn’t sure what to think. He wanted to believe everything that Dean said but there was still a part of him that told him to run. He knew what Gabe said was right, though, he couldn’t expect Dean to wait forever with Claire.

“I... I just don’t know. I don’t want to be the fool in this.” Cas whispered. The deflated look that fell upon Dean’s face was devastating. 

“You’re not, Cas, you’re... fuck you’re everything,” Dean’s eyes shifted as he tried to think of what to say before a knowing look dawned across his face. “You said you heard me say something about regret in the morning?” Cas nodded.

“Cas I was talking about you! I didn’t want you to regret it. This whole time I thought you actually did regret it and you thought I did. Fuck this is so stupid! Give me a chance, Cas, just think about it.”

“I don’t know Dean.” He whispered, not entirely sure why he was still questioning.

Cas stared at the floor and wondered where he saw himself a year from now. Would he still be at this apartment? In this town? Once he met Dean all of his plans had changed, they had shifted to align themselves along with Dean’s. Many people said they had experienced that when they met their match. It was just the natural response one’s mind had. 

Cas had given himself fully to another before and it didn’t work out so well. What was going to be so different this time? As if on cue his brain supplied the answer: Dean.

He remembered a moment when they first met and Dean had started saying something but never finished.

“When we met you were going to say something about my eyes. Do you remember?” Cas asked hurriedly. Dean smiled and plucked at an invisible thread on his jeans.

“I.. uh.. I was going to tell you that your eyes look like how the ocean feels,” Dean turned red as he looked anywhere but at Cas. “It’s stupid, really. Just how Jo used to describe things to me, it’s just the first thing I thought...” Dean trailed off when Cas framed his face with his hands. Cas drew in a sharp breath when Dean finally looked him in the eyes.

“It’s not stupid, Dean. It’s beautiful, you’re beautiful.” Cas whispered before leaning in and brushing his lips gently over Dean’s. 

“I’m sorry for walking out Dean.” Cas murmured, his lips still touching Dean’s.

“S’Alright. Just agree not to do that again?” Cas smiled and nodded before kissing Dean earnestly. He closed his eyes and concentrated on pouring all of his emotions into that one kiss. 

“Hey, I got something for you, but it’s back at my place.” Dean whispered when they broke apart, resting his forehead on Cas’s.

“Dean Winchester, that is the worst pick up line.” Cas giggled and Dean pulled away.

“Get your mind out of the gutter Cas, it’s a present.” Dean laughed and led Cas out of his apartment.

~

Dean smiled as he drummed his finger on the steering wheel along to some classic rock song. Cas sat in the middle of front seat, his side up next to Dean’s with his hand resting on his knee. It felt right.

They were in deep discussion about how to handle their relationship with Claire. Dean told Cas they needed to take it slow, give her some time to get used to it. He was happy when the other man agreed without pause. He also noted how happy Cas seemed to be that he already spoke with her about them so it wouldn’t be too much of a shock.

Dean drew in a deep breath as they pulled into his driveway. 

“I was going to give this to you either way.” Dean said before getting out of the car and walking to the gate that lead to his back yard. When he opened the gate a large chocolate lab came bounding out.

Dean turned and smiled at Cas as he jumped out of the car quickly and knelt to the ground. The dog jumped on Cas happily as it whined with excitement. 

“Hey Buddy. Where you been?” Cas began talking to him and laughing. He sat on the ground and buried his hands in the dog’s fur before hugging him.

“How did you get him?” Cas asked astonished, unable to take his eyes off his dog.

“Well Cas, I asked nicely,” Dean smiled when Cas looked at him and rolled his eyes. “By the way, Alfie? Dudes a bitch.”


	15. Epilogue

Two Years Later

Dean walked up behind Cas and snaked his arms around his waist. He rested his head on the man’s shoulder as he peaked at what Cas was making.

“Hey there.” Cas said and turned around so he was facing Dean. He smiled shyly as the man placed a tender kiss on his forehead.

“Hey.” Dean mumbled back and pulled him in closer.

“Long day?” Cas asked before turning his attention back to the stove.

“Nah, just glad it’s Friday. What’s Claire doing?” He asked as he grabbed a beer from the fridge and opened it.

“Homework, she said she has a paper due Monday.” Dean scoffed as he took a long sip from his beer.

“Yeah right, she’s probably up there texting that boy.” Just the thought of it made his blood boil. 

“Dean, she’s ok, I promise.” Cas rolled his eyes at Dean’s over protective stance.

“It’s not her I’m worried about.” He said with a pout on his face. Cas laughed and walked up to him, lacing his arms around his neck as he kissed Dean’s protruding bottom lip. 

“Mmm, I like the taste of that sugar.” Dean said, making Cas laugh.

“You say the dorkiest things.” Cas smiled and sighed before leaning in for another kiss. This time Dean kissed back while pulling him closer. There was no hurry as they stood in the kitchen and moved their lips rhythmically together. 

“Before I forget,” Dean said as they pulled apart. He grabbed his phone out of his back pocket and began looking for something. “I finally remembered that song I was telling you about.” 

“The one for our wedding?” Cas asked conversationally as he turned the burner off to the stove, the opening chords of a song already playing out of Dean’s phone.

“Yeah, come here.” Dean said as he placed one hand on Cas’s hip, grabbing one of his his hands with the other. Cas mirrored his placement as Dean began moving back and forth with the music.

“I used to spend my nights in a barroom, whiskey was the only love I’d known. But you rescued me from reachin for the bottom, and brought me back from being too far gone,” Dean sang into Cas’s ear along with the lyrics. “You're as smooth as Tennessee whiskey, you’re as sweet as strawberry wine. You're as warm as a glass of brandy, and honey, I stay stoned on your love all the time” he moved his arms so they wrapped around Cas’s waist and pulled him closer, Cas moved so his were wrapped around Dean’s neck.

Dean sang the whole song to Cas as they swayed back and forth to the song. By the end Cas had hid his face in Dean’s neck and shed silent tears of joy. 

“It’s beautiful.” Cas whispered as he smiled at Dean.

“Oh my god, you guys are so gross!” Claire exclaimed as she walked into the kitchen. 

“Don’t act like you don’t love love Claire!” Dean yelled laughing at his daughter’s disgusted face.

What they didn’t know was that Claire had seen the whole thing and smiled the whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! I appreciate all the comments and kudos!


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